Tisa's Joy

ANOTHER LOOOOOOOOONG Week: And Some GREAT News!

2011-11-19T18:14:00.000-08:00

Here's how it went down...

Sunday (just after I finished up another childbirth class), I get a note from Dough Rittenhouse over at CCM: Teen Mania's Center for Creative Media. It just says, "Hey... need to ask you something. Give me a call."

So I called.

He informed me that he needed new acting coaches for the acting track and wondered if we'd be interested in talking to him about it. We said we were. So we scheduled a time to get together on Tuesday.

Monday came and went.

Tuesday afternoon we drove out to talk with him. We discussed what he was looking for, what we had to offer, and what everyone was willing to give/take to make it work.

We drove home to pray about it for 24 hours.

Wednesday morning I went to MOPS.

That afternoon informed Doug that I'd be interested in the job (My Man will just be a helping hand/fresh persepective... really the job is going to come down to me.). We discussed a few more things and made plans to meet the acting team.

Thursday I had coffee with the gals and taught a friend to bake bread.

Then I drove up CCM to finalize a few things with Doug about what he needed from me specifically. It was a great meeting. I think we really are on the same page as to what needs to happen. We also discussed the first Professional Encounter Retreat coming up in early December in L.A. I'll be thinking hard about the details and whether or not I can manage the trip with two kids in tow.

That night I slept like a rock.

Friday morning I managed to haul my tired butt out of bed by 6am to feed the kids and scoot over to the CCM studios. My Man and I met the actors and just spent some time getting to know them. They all seem like really great kids and I'm super stoked to get to start working with them!

I spent the afternoon cleaning house and arranging for Turkey-prep day.

Today we went out again and spent some time doing something a little more "class" related. I think we still had fun, but I really wanted to get in here and begin getting some work done at the same time. They'll be leaving for Thanksgiving break by Wednesday, and I'd like as much "get-to-know-you" time and work time started as humanly possible.

We got home and slaughtered/dressed our Turkey.

We weighs AT LEAST 25 lbs.

And there's only one friend coming over for Thanksgiving.

We're going to be eating A TON of turkey very soon!

This job is JUST what I've been praying for. Flexible, part-time hours with decent pay, doing something I'm passionate about, and with the freedom to take my kids with me.

God truly does answer prayer!

A LONG Week!

2011-11-11T15:49:00.000-08:00

Whew! Can I just say... THANK GOD IT'S FRIDAY! No joke... this has been a ridiculously long week. I knew going in that it would be, but whew! I'm glad it's nearly over.

Last weekend, My Man and I worked at finishing up the chicken coop. It's been getting cold and rainy around here and it was past time to finish putting it together.

A couple of weeks ago, I took Goober for a walk. I only intended for it to be a short one, but then I remembered there is this trail that runs parallel to the busy street near where we live. Since our road isn't very "walkable" due to narrow shoulders and no sidewalks, I decided to explore this an an alternative to my current trend of packing the kids and the dog in the car to go to the local nature trail. Too much hassle.

At the end of this trail, we found this! Dump site! Woohoo! There was so much material we were able to salvage and use to side our coop with. I had planned on going to the lumber store, but free and recycled is always so much better!!!

Here's what it looked like to start with. Just recycled pallets nailed together. The doorway had been facing the other way, but we moved it to make it more accessible from the house side of the yard.

Goober McGoo was a huge help. He made a wall out of bricks. Oh yes... very useful.

Here's My Man in all of his studliness! I wasn't much help with the hammering since I had Critter on my back papoose-style.

I worked at clearing out the mess inside and re-filling it with fresh pine needles.

That day, we also got our greenhouse finished.

So lovely (and warm!!) inside. In just a week I've begun to notice a difference in how quickly our plants are growing. The peas are starting to bloom, and the yellow beans will be producing soon!

Then there was MONDAY: I spent all day cleaning house in preparation of the coming week. And studied.
Then there was TUESDAY: I was supposed to go do some maid-work, but had to stay home because Critter was cutting another tooth. I also studied.
Then there was WEDNESDAY: I spent all day teaching a childbirth class (it went GREAT!!!). Didn't study so much.
Then there was THURSDAY: I went out to do the maid-work I intended to do Tuesday. Also went to the bank and took McG to Sonic to play for a couple hours. Also did some studying.
Then there was FRIDAY: I'M SO FRIGGIN' POOPED!
Then there was SATURDAY: I was supposed to teach another Childbirth class, but that got moved to Sunday. I'll be doing housework and grocery shopping tomorrow.

Today we had to spend time fixing the green house. A storm came through the other day and did this...

Way bummer deal. None of the plants seem to be hurt, but we lost a fish - probably due to stress.

The water collected right over the top of the fish pond and caused a collapse. I knew we should have glued the PVC better and tied it off to the fence posts. Oh well.

It was just a simple matter of popping the pipes back together. But lesson learned, we'll need to get things glued properly before the next big rain.

Guess what else happened today????

I wasn't expecting chicks for another couple of days! I went out to see if I could hear any tapping/pipping coming from the eggs. Sure enough, they'd already hatched! As of this afternoon there was at least one more egg that has a chick trying to hatch in it (could hear the pipping). I'll be going out later this evening to see how it's coming along. Enjoy the pics!

Candling the Eggs

2011-11-04T18:07:00.000-07:00

Today should have been the end of day 11 for any potential chicks. Our mama is still sitting contentedly on her nest, although it's getting pretty foul in there (no pun intended). Every time I poke my nose in to check on her I think, "Good golly woman! I'll bet you can't wait to get out of there!" I'd read that chicken poop from a brooding hen smells NASTY. They weren't kidding. Since she only gets up every so often to poo, it really comes out gross.

Anyway, I realized just after I put my kiddos to bed that I had not done an "official" candling of the eggs. I tried to do it last week, but my tools proved to be unusable. I thought putting the old heat lamp under an empty plant pot would do the trick. However, it was a plastic pot that let too much light through. Using my phone only worked moderately well, and I knew it might be too early in any case. Oh... and I didn't get to look at all the eggs that time. I tossed three and decided to do another candeling later.

Tonight was later!

This was really all the more detail I could see. Four eggs looked like the bright one on the top. This meant they didn't grow.

The other eight eggs looked somewhat like this. Dark, with a bright spot where the air bubble is. I could only see viens in about 2-3 of the eggs. The rest were just too dark to see through. I don't know what this means specifically (other than it might be nice to have a better egg candling device), but I hope that it means we've got 8 potential chicks! With 10 biddies and one cock in our current flock, 8 new chicks would nearly double our flock! Hip Hooray!

We're at about day 11 or 12. I thought I'd toss this in so you could see how big our little ones should be.

The next few days can't go by fast enough! Our next big update will be in about another 8 or 9 days when I listen for "pipping"... the little cheeping sounds you can hear in the shell before the chicks hatch!

Assesing My Goals and Getting Started

2011-10-31T11:36:00.000-07:00

So today marks the official start of my "certified by Christmas" goal. I'm really excited thinking about it, but I know that there are going to be two things that might make it feel "rough".

#1) I still want to do the whole no sugar/daily yoga/time in the Word "fasting backwards" thing. I sort of tried to start doing it without saying, "Today I start". Go figure I didn't get very far. The only bonus is that I DID manage to start cutting more sugar out of my diet. However, raging hormones and two uncooperative kids caused a sudden surge in the size of my chocolate stash (went from none to two bags). I don't know when I'm going to "plan" on starting this thing for real, but it's something that's still on the forefront of my mind.

#2) I've already proven to myself before that balancing housework, homework, and kids isn't my biggest forte. For some reason I tend to only be able to focus on one of those things at a time. However, one of my biggest prayers lately has been, "Lord, please help me 'get it together'". I know I'll probably never be perfect at it, and there will be seasons when I do better than others. However, I think for the most part this is something I COULD and SHOULD succeed at. And it's something I"m going to for sure need to get better at if I plan on running two businesses and raising a house full of kiddos!

This week I plan to finish reading one of my books, and write the review for it and another one that I've finished already. I've got two classes coming up, so I'll also be working on the lesson plans for those.

Busy week ahead.
Nose to grindstone.
I can do anything for a short amount of time.
I can do all things through Him!

Why I Need a Craft Room

2011-10-29T16:46:00.000-07:00

I've been doing quite a bit of sewing the past couple of days. Many friends are having babies, and I've been working like a maniac to get some gifts made. I often tell people that I hate sewing. I accidentally mentioned this to one of my pregnant friends as I asked her for her address to ship her gifts to her. She told me I didn't have to make anything for her - so I had to revise my statement.

I hate sewing. I CAN sew, and do it pretty well. But I pretty much dislike it.

HOWEVER

I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE making gifts for my friends.

It's kind of like talking to people who hate to exercise but look like super models. They don't like the exercise, but they do it because they like the benefits of it.

It's like that... only with sewing! Haha! Somehow, I just find it tedious (which is odd, since I LOVE to knit. Contradiction?).

The other reason I don't care for sewing (probably the biggest reason, actually), is that it TAKES OVER MY LIFE. When we first moved into our house, I worked hard at being sure that everything was ORGANIZED and had a "place to live" figuratively speaking. I didn't want to have random junk start piling up with no place to go. We just don't have the space for that kind of thing. This included my crafting things.

But when I start sewing, there's no other place for it to all go other than... EVERYWHERE! This in turn makes it harder to organize the general day-to-day mess (toys, clothes, cheerio litter) and before I know it, my house is a chaotic zoo of sewing notions and baby litter. It also makes it a little overwhelming to clean up afterward.

I keep dreaming of a craft room.... a place where I can not only store my fabric, yarn, and accessories neatly, but where I can retreat, relax, and craft in an organized manner. There will be a fireplace and comfy chair for working on knitting projects, as well as a large quantity of desk/table top space for sewing. There will be drawers to organize fabric, scraps, yarn, and other tools. Everything will be on hand.... easy to use, and easy to store.

The Next Eight Weeks: Putting My Nose to the Grindstone

2011-10-27T18:28:00.000-07:00

The next eight weeks are going to be like giving birth again.

Lots of hard work,

Lots of sweat,

Maybe some tears,

Lots of wanting to quit,

And no option of giving up.

I decided yesterday as I was folding nine loads of laundry that I was ready to stop whining and do what I needed to do to get my certification finished for my Childbirth education. Part of this was sparked by a revelation I had while folding laundry. The inner dialogue went something like this.

"Why is this so hard? I mean, college didn't seem this hard."
"In college, you had due dates, and if you didn't get it done, you got a lower grade."
"Yeah, but in college, the curriculum was mapped out for me. There was a syllabus and everything so I knew how long a task was going to take. It's not like that with this home study stuff!"
"So?"
"So I wish I had due dates, or some good way to prompt me to finally finish."

So I did what any good girl would do, I called in the girlfriends for encouragement. I sent out a text message that read something like this...

Ok... I REALLY need a massive butt kicking or I'll NEVER get my childbirth certification! Can I count on you guys to not only bug me about it daily, but to be encouraging when I need it, and not afraid to harass me when I'm making lame excuses for not getting at least SOMETHING done every day?

As always, my best friend responded promptly. And she had a plan.

How about every time you don't meet your goals you owe me $20?

$20?!?! That's 1/3 of my grocery bill!!! I almost texted back immediately to tell her she was off her rocker and that I would do no such thing.

But I stopped myself. Why was I so worried about making such a deal? Because I was PLANNING on failing... often. Often enough to make $20 become a HUGE deal.

We compromised at $15 with a "get out of jail free" card in case I get bogged down one week where it really will hurt us to lose the money. Then today, I got busy. I went through my curriculum and itemized the things that I still need to finish. I figure there are eight weeks until Christmas. If I can check three things off my list every week, I'll be done before Christmas rolls around. Then I also went through and did a rough mapping of what I should try to get done each week. Some things are bigger than others, but the bigger things (like massive amounts of reading) I'll be able to do over time as I check off the little things. I also made notes of some of the other "life things" I'll have going on in a given week - like the classes I'll be giving, holidays, and weeks where I know I'll be doing maid work.

These next few weeks might be really rough. I'm hoping not, but they have the potential to be really, REALLY busy. But just like giving birth, you can do anything for a short time. If I can get all this THROUGH then I'll finally be able to start marketing my classes more, and begin focusing on getting online prenatal classes running. It's time to put my nose to the grindstone!!!

A Chance to Redeem Myself - Plus a Chicken Update

2011-10-26T12:01:00.000-07:00

As funny as I find my "Angry Bird" post, I really don't want people thinking that all I do is make my kid angry then snap pictures at him while I laugh and he screams. I'm not THAT mean!

For your viewing pleasure:

Hi mom! These little "O"'s sure are tasty!

Aren't I just so cute?!

I love flirting with mom!

Uh... what's that in your hand that keeps flashing a light at me?

I love you!

He was actually REALLY ready for a nap. Tired boy...

But not before a few more Cheerios

He looks like he's dancing or something in this one.

And an update on our hen. We moved her successfully to her new brooding box (the old coop). She's got food, and water, and is contentedly sitting on her clutch. Every time I go out to check on her, it looks like she hasn't moved. I tell ya' - she could give every pregnant woman in her third trimester a couple of tips on waiting. And speaking of pregnant, whenever I look at her I get the same giddy feeling I have when I talk with other ladies about having babies, the same excitement and love I felt when I was waiting for the birth of Critter. Sometimes I feel like I'M the one hatching chicks! Is that slightly psychotic? Never mind... I don't want the answer to that.

Oh, and by the way... when we got her moved out of her first nesting area, there were....

23 EGGS IN THAT NEST!!!!

Can you believe it?! For nearly a month she's been squirreling away eggs from us! I only let her keep the 16 warmest eggs from the top... the rest got put to the "good egg/bad egg" test. Three of those we threw away, and I'll be baking with the other 4 just ensure they don't make us sick.

I'm interested to see if we can keep her from doing this in the future. I'm just thankful that none of them went bad enough to explode!!!

Brooding Hen: Day Two - The Brooding Box

2011-10-24T09:24:00.000-07:00

Well, sure enough! She sat all night on the eggs! I got a little nervous this morning when I went out early and she was not on the nest. The eggs were still pretty warm, so I fed the flock in the hopes that she only got up to eat. Sure enough, a few minutes later she was back on the nest, but not before I was able to snap this pic.

There are AT LEAST 16-17 eggs here! Holy mackerel! I can't believe she's been hiding them long enough to accumulate that many! Don't believe me? Here, check this out...

Sorry, 6, 13, and 17 are hard to see. I did them in yellow, but it still didn't turn out very well. Those are just the visible ones. The top cluster of eggs is actually sitting on top of a... tunnel... of eggs. I have no idea if there are any more that I can't see yet.

Anyway, if even half of them hatch we'll have nearly doubled the size of our flock in one go! I'm foreseeing the need to build a couple portable free-range cage to keep up with the needs of the flock. They've already pretty much destroyed the grass in the backyard (something I NEVER saw coming when we started this little project). Right now we've been letting them out of the backyard during the day, but it makes me nervous. They roam quite a bit more than I'd like them to. With a portable cage, they'll have protection and I can "herd" them into places with plenty of grass.

Right now she's back on the nest. We've set up a brooding box for her made out of our old "halfway house" of a chicken coop that we used to finish raising the original flock and we'll be moving her to it this evening.

We' put it next to the aquaponic system so that we can have easy access to an electrical outlet. If she hatches the chicks but turns into a bad mama we'll be able to put a heat lamp in there and care for them that way. I'm hoping she just turns out to be a good mama though!

I cut grass from the same bush she's in now to help encourage her to settle into this nest when we move her. There will also be food and water. I thought about leaving the door open so she can get in and out, but I'm still nervous about her abandoning the nest. I think once we move her I'll leave her "trapped" for a few days until I'm sure she's settled. Then I'll think about giving her the option of leaving the coop to get some "exercise". My only other worry about giving her easy access in and out is that the rest of the flock (and the dog, not to mention my son) will have the same access. All part of the learning process I suppose... trial and error.

I can't even tell you how excited I am to get her moved in here tonight! I think the thing that excites me most is getting the chance to figure out just exactly how many eggs she's sitting on. And in only a little over a week we'll have an idea on whether or not any of them are going to be viable! Horatio has been working vigorously with the ladies, so I can only hope she's had enough attention to ensure that a large number of these eggs are actually fertile.

Going Broody: Is It Spring Around Here?

2011-10-23T22:12:00.000-07:00

Ok... now anyone looking at the post time of this blog is going to wonder WHY ON EARTH I'm blogging about chickens at midnight. Two reasons:
1) Our friends just left after a rip-roaring game of Monopoly
2) I'm SUPER STOKED about our chickens!

I'm seriously starting to wonder if I've drifted off into La-La-Land at some point and missed fall and winter. Am I living in my own personal version of "50 First Dates"?

As I talked about a few days ago, there are so many new changes going on right now. The weather is turning to rain (finally!), I've suddenly gotten a surge in business from my childbirth ed. classes, and today we found a hen that is going broody.

We first noticed her this afternoon after lunch. Do you see her? Right there in the center of the picture. Let me get a close up for you...

She's actually very well hidden. I figured the little biddy had decided to try hiding her eggs again.

This clutch is one we found under a bush in our front yard about the middle of September. We got super excited thinking one of our girls was going broody. But as soon as we found her, she left the nest and never returned. Actually, to this day I've never found another egg in that particular spot. Since then, I've been doing research on letting a hen raise chicks naturally.

Today I just assumed that our girl was trying to hide eggs. So I reached my hand in to confiscate whatever she was sitting on. She protested, ruffling up her feathers and growling at me. I wondered if she just wasn't done laying yet and left her alone.

But sure enough, I went out again later this evening when she should have been roosting and she was still there. Since she was asleep, I was able to slip my hand under her. I counted AT LEAST seven eggs just from what I could feel. We have a mama!

I know that it's not particularly "time" for new babies, but we're going to let her do her thing anyway. I'd like to see if she'll be a good brooder when it does come time for us to breed the flock. And if we lose this batch of eggs I figure it's nothing much lost (since we didn't even know that she was hiding eggs to start with).

Tomorrow we'll be setting up the old coop as a brooding box. We'll lay out food and water, good bedding, and then move her tomorrow night and see if she settles in the new spot. My only worry is that if we try to move her to a safer nesting location that she'll give up on the eggs. At this point we'll be able to candle the eggs (putting a strong light behind them to see the baby chick inside) to get an idea on if they were fertile or not. So neat! I'm wishing we'd found her BEFORE she began sitting on this particular clutch... then we'd have been able to add eggs to the clutch and therefore increase the number of baby chicks. But this being the first foray into chick hatching, I'm pretty content to let things be as they are now.

Mark your calendars! I'll be candling eggs on November 3rd!

Lazy?!?!

2011-10-22T17:50:00.000-07:00

This is a fun picture that popped up on my Pinterest. "Hey! Cool!" I thought to myself. "I wonder what it will say about me?"

I had visions. Oh I had visions. Will it tell me I'm beautiful? Witty? Talented? Interesting? Fun?

As I opened up a larger version of the picture, I eagerly began scanning the letters for a word to pop out at me.

Lazy

What?!? Surely that's not right! I began scanning faster, trying to ignore the word that was suddenly all-too-obvious and praying to find something a little more fun.

Happy

Patient
Elegant

Peaceful

Sure... those sounded more like me. I'm all those things. But I still didn't want to believe that first word that popped up. My husband, who was looking over my shoulder scanned the picture to find his 'words'.

"What did you get?" He asked me.
"Happy, Patient, Elegant..." I replied.
"That's only three."
I paused... "Well, the first one I found was Lazy, but I don't think that's me. Am I lazy?"

He paused... oh no. Pausing is NOT good.
"Well, you can be lazy sometimes." He said.
"Everyone is lazy sometimes," I replied, still wanting to find an excuse for the reason this word popped up for me. Even as I said it, I looked up from my spot in front of the computer where I have a full view of not only my kitchen, but my living room. Both were a wreak.

The other night when I was attempting to follow through on my plan of a "backwards fast", I came on this scripture...
"The soul of the sluggard craves and gets nothing,
While the soul of the diligent is richly supplied."
Proverbs 13:4

This verse really stuck out to me at the time because I know I've not been diligent in my Relationship with the Lord. I've felt my soul craving and getting nothing, both physically and spiritually. But to have and in-animate object in a virtual reality whack me in the face with my own failings as a mom/wife was a rough wake up call.

"Hi... my name is TJ, and I'm... Lazy."

There, I said it. I've thought it to myself for quite a while, and nearly always excused it away. But it's time to face facts... I'd rather read and surf the internet more than laundry any day. Laundry and housework is almost never done when it SHOULD be, and regardless of what I said in my post a few days ago, a large part of my stress at feeling "behind" on life is because I actually am BEHIND on life. I still learned a valuable lesson in realizing that just because I notice something needs to be done (dusting, cleaning the back porch, taking out the trash in the bathroom) doesn't mean I'm behind on doing it. But the reality is, if I'd just quit being QUITE so lazy, and do the things I SHOULD be doing when I SHOULD be doing them, I would feel so behind all the time.

It's a character flaw. It's one that I'm not sure when I developed it. But it's something I'm seeking even harder to change. I know I won't be able to do it on my own, I've tried. I'm going to need His help. And while it is sometimes fun to scan through similar things, I need to stop looking for other people (or pictures) to tell me about my life. Did I expect it was going to say something I didn't already know? Ultimately, it's up to the Lord to tell me who I am, and to help me through any character flaws.

Next time, I'll be asking Him to describe me. He's better at it anyway.

Good Dog vs. Angry Bird: A Reference Guide

2011-10-22T14:27:00.000-07:00

I'd like to take a moment to illustrate to you the difference between a Good Dog and an Angry Bird. I myself quite often get them confused. It's an epidemic really. So here we go...

This is a good dog. Specifically, this good dog's name is Tirzah. She rarely gets her picture taken, but when I do take it, she's usually very happy.

This is an angry bird. Specifically, this angry bird's name is Critter. He often gets his picture taken - mostly because he's got the funniest angry face I've ever seen on a baby bird.

The good dog's job is to watch the kid. She loves her job.

She keeps an eye out for cars that pass too slowly, and pedestrians that look like they don't belong.

When I let the chickens out into the front yard, she also keeps them safe from other animals and annoying road working guys who like to cluck at random chickens (true story).

She's also responsible for loving the boy.

It's really her favorite job title. "Boy lover."

She's good at it. I recommend she put it on all future resumes.

This angry bird's job is to eat and sleep. He generally loves the first, but not to much the second. And when he decides he doesn't want something, he puts on his Angry face.

It starts with the pouty lip. The moisture filled eyes.

And if I don't hurry, it escalates. Good moms don't let it get to this point. But when I've got a camera, I become anything but a good mom.

Because the longer I snap pictures, the funnier it gets.

T-minus 10...9...8...7...6...

...5...4...3...2...1...

*Preparatory Air Intake*

ANGRY BIRD!!!!

Thank you for your attention. The reference guide is finished.

Seasons of Change: Finding the Window

2011-10-20T11:29:00.000-07:00

Normally when people think of "new seasons", of change and growth, they think of spring. At least, I know I do. For sure I don't tend to think much about fall.

But fall is just as much a seasonal change as spring is. And it's for sure one that promotes growth. Leaves fall to the ground, nature takes a break from growing and producing, and over the progressing cold month all the "death" deteriorates and paves the way for new spring growth.

Fall comes late around here. It's just finally starting to get cold at night ("cold" being less than 60 degrees). As the leaves begin to fall en mass I've begun to take a look at what is going on in my own life.

My "fasting backwards" is progressing about like I thought it would. The first few days of the week I did exactly what I set out to do. Then there were a few days where I would get some things in but not all of them. I've really been ok with that. Since my goal is a change in lifestyle I'm not whipping myself to meet a goal of perfection. But already, I'm seeing growth.

Along with the personal growth, I'm seeing so much growth around me. Here's a look at what's going on on the ol' homestead.

We've got another hen starting to lay. The only way I know this is that suddenly we're consistently getting one more egg a day than we used to, and it's smaller than the rest. I think in another 6 months or so we're going to have more eggs than we could possibly use... hooray!

And along that note... Horatio (the rooster) is finally starting to... ahem... do his "business" with the ladies. I'd like to get some trap boxes made/bought before the spring, then put labeling bands on our hens so we can figure out which ones are the high producers and breed them. So exciting!

And speaking of birds, the gobblers are also getting frisky. But since they eat more than they are worth to keep around we won't intentionally be letting them breed. We figure Thanksgiving (the female, shown lower right) is AT LEAST 20 lbs. Here is Christmas strutting his stuff. We'll be cooking him during the Thanksgiving holiday, and then we'll cook Thanksgiving for Christmas. Completely confused yet? :)

Our fish have become pretty lethargic with the onset of the cold weather. This is the first time I've even been able to catch one! They are just about eating size, which thrills me. I can't wait to grill up a few of them! My Hubby keeps telling me he's craving fish. We'll have to finish putting our green house together though.

Slowly but surely, our system is starting to produce the food that we've been waiting for. I've already put some of our herbs to good use, but we're starting to see the onset of veggies.

The green beans started first. We're still only getting 4 or so beans a day, but I think the production is going to pick up here soon... there are lots of buds on the vines!

The plant with the yellow blossom was supposed to be a yellow squash... but I think the people at the plant store were mistaken. The bigger the vines grow the more it looks like a cucumber to me, and this little bud of a veggie growing here is slowly confirming my suspicions. I really hate cucumbers, so I don't know what we are going to plan on doing with all of them.

The tomatoes on the other hand are thrilling! See this little guy? He's gonna grow up to be a big juicy red Roma one day. We've had blossoms galore so I'm looking forward to a bountiful crop!

Along with the new growth in our AP system, there has been some wonderful new growth in our lives. We're looking forward to the start of the new year when we'll have a few things paid off and the potential to actually pay off the last of our debt (including Goober's trip to the ER) in one fell swoop. This will open up our finances towards growing my Childbirth classes. If all our debt is paid, I'll be looking forward to using our tax return to start a new branch of my classes... online! The most exciting part about that is that it will be come a self perpetuating source of income that will take little maintenance on my part and allow me to continue giving live classes on the side. I'll be keeping you update on that front.

We've talked for a long time about one day doing commercial scale AP farming. It's been on the back burner in many ways, but with some financial freedom (finally!), we may be able to move forward much sooner than we thought. I'm praying for the Lord to grant me patience, and am trying not to "count my chickens" but I have to admit, that after the long season of hardships and watching God gently close the door on the yoga job I can't help but feel I'm starting to find the window.

E-books

2011-10-13T13:37:00.000-07:00

Have you ever had someone try to talk you into one of those network marketing gigs?
Did you think to yourself, "Hey this could be a good way to make some money from home!"
Did you end up losing more money than you made?

Or am I the only one?

Now, don't get me wrong... I know that network marketing CAN and DOES work. I actually know people who have made it work for them, and I think that's wonderful. I'm just not one of those people. Maybe I chose the wrong product. Maybe I just wasn't mature enough at the time. Maybe I'm just not that level of "business woman." Whatever the reason, it took two years for me to give it up and it was a hard lesson to learn. Ever since, I've been very leery of "work from home" opportunities. Believe me, I've thought about my fair share... Home transcription work, setting up appointments from home, e-book editing, even blogging. Of course, everyone wants you to make a little "investment" into the company before you can have access to the information and start making your own money.

Right now, I don't have the money to lose "investing" in information that isn't going to actually bring some profit back to me.

However, a friend of mine has gotten me thinking about e-books. Not editing, but writing and publishing my own. I've done my fair share of writing through the years, and most people have agreed that I could (and should) publish my work. I know some of it is the bias of friends, but when I read some of the garbage that DOES get published, I often think, "Why don't I take a shot? I know I can do better than this!"

E-books seem to be the latest, greatest "work from home" opportunity. You can self publish for little to no cost, and reap much more profit than with old fashioned paper publishing. I've been giving it a fair ammount of thought.

There are a few things that I've written in the past and saved and I'm thinking about starting with those just to get my feet wet and figure the process out. I've seen books and seminars all over the web, but right now I can't afford to put any money into them, so I'm thinking of just throwing myself out there and learning the hard way. I'm praying that if I can get it done, that it will become (even minimally) an extra source of income for our family.

What do you think? Anyone ever actually published their own book?

Here's hoping!

Where To Start?

2011-10-12T11:06:00.000-07:00

When I first began writing my post about Fasting Backwards, I took a look at my calendar to get a feel for just how long 40 days really was. And as I did the math, I thought that perhaps the 11th would be a good choice for a start date, since that would make the end date the 20th, a nice rounded off number.

But then I got a call from the "D" lady who's house I clean, asking if I could come out Tuesday. And Tuesday turned into the day that wouldn't end. It felt like everything that could have gone wrong did.

I REALLY didn't want to go clean. Goober McGoo was an ornery turkey ALL DAY LONG.
Critter Bug hit the throws of teething and spent the last 2 1/2 hours I was there screaming his head off.
I nearly lost "D"'s new kitten for her. Getting home didn't solve any of the above. I felt very thankful that I was able to handle it all with a HUGE measure of grace and patience, something that's been lacking my life for a while.

But needless to say, by the end of the evening, all my good intentions for yoga/prayer went right out the window. "Tomorrow... I guess I'll start tomorrow."

Guess what? It's "tomorrow" and I'm having the hardest time being motivated to do ANYTHING, much less the things on my list. It's raining for the first time in months. Having grown up in the desert, rain makes me lethargic, moody (like Emo-moody, not depressed), and lazy. All I want to do is curl up with a book, or a movie, and spend all day playing my piano and drinking copious amounts of coffee and other warm/yummy things.

This weekend, we're going to have a friend in town visiting. I don't know that I'm secure enough with myself to say, "By the way, you mind entertaining yourself for the next 90+ minutes while I do my yoga on DVD? Just ignore me. :P

And I've been thinking.... Where does it end? All these things that keep "getting in the way" aren't going to go away just because I've decided to begin my "fasting" regimen. So where do I start?

I think part of my problem is that I really don't know if I can make a set time for it all. Doing all this in the morning before my kids get up is going to mean waking up at 4am... and that's just not going to happen. But by the evening I'm fried. Exhausted.

I think I need to just DO it. And I think I'm going to ask my hubby to just pick a day for me to be my "start" date, and then I need to just choose not to make any arguments or complaints and begin to think to myself, "It's not about 'will I do it today?' but 'WHAT TIME will I do it today?'"

I am managing to get things done despite my lack of motivation, but I guess what I'm trying to say is I'm seeing a flaw in the way that I tend to think... and this is leading to a flaw in the way I live. I see it, and I'm seeking to change it.

Fasting: Backwards

2011-10-11T07:31:00.000-07:00

I've been doing quite a bit of thinking lately. And praying. And more thinking. And I'm getting excited to see the things that God wants to work in my life.

It all kind of started when I was checking up on PW's Blog. She mentioned giving up sugar for a month and how she was really hoping to see some significant health benefits as a result.

I used to not eat much sugar... like, ever. A single cookie used to do me in. But when I got pregnant with Critter, I developed the Worlds. Worst. Sweet-Tooth. I've often wondered if that was part of the reason there was a 3lb difference between my kids at birth.

Although the sweet tooth has died down a bit, it's hasn't gone away. And I frequently find myself eating way more sweet things than I'd like (or than is good for me).

As I began to ponder a sugar fast, I also thought about the fact that I've not been exercising recently. I got super excited about a new yoga DVD I bought for my birthday, but I've only used it once. So I began to think about really getting my rear in gear and doing yoga daily.

Then there came the meltdowns. And the despair. And the depression. And the realization that I'd let my First Love fall by the wayside. I've needed to re-kindle that passion. I've needed to start making serious time to spend in the Word daily - praying, studying, and having a Relationship with the Lord again. It's not just enough that I try to do what I feel He's asking of me... I need to be sure that I KNOW what He's asking of me. And I can't do that unless I KNOW who He is.

So I began to have this idea of throwing the three together. Getting up in the morning, doing my yoga, spending time in the Word and Praying. And of course, giving up the sugar through the day.

Then I started thinking of some other things that need to change in my life. And that's when I came up with the plan.

It's not fasting really, since the only thing I'll be denying myself is sugar, and even then it won't be completely (I'm not feeling the need to give up my morning coffee... just the excesses of sugar). It's more a need to incorporate (or, rather, re-incorporate) some consistency, structure, and discipline in my life. And I'm planning to do it for 40 days. The Lord reminded me today of the story where Jesus goes into the wilderness to fast for 40 days. Since it's the wilderness I'm looking to come out of (and come out changed), I decided 40 days sounded like a prime number for this challenge. Here's what I plan on doing.

Yoga: daily
Read my Bible/Devotional: daily
Prayer/Meditation: daily
Journaling: Hopefully daily, but we'll see
Sugar: none (only coffee)

What I'll be praying for:
Direction in my life: Jobs, life, career. We for sure need some more income if we're ever going to claw our way out of this debt. But with the close of the yoga job, I now know that I really need to search out the right thing. Do I look for a new job? More housecleaning? Self publication? More blogging? Or do I focus ALL my energies into marketing my childbirth classes and pray for them to take off?

Motivation: "Fasting", even when done backwards like I'm doing it isn't easy, and I'm not always a well motivated person anyway. I also need some motivation to continue studying for my certification, and I'd like to begin writing again.

Heart change
Life change
Attitude change

Life's felt pretty rough lately, and I need all three of the above if I'm going to see it turn around again.

Hopeful outcomes:
Better health: I'm not unhealthy. In fact, I have clothes right now that fit better than they did BEFORE I got pregnant the second time. I'm pretty sure if I tried on my wedding dress, it would fit. But with the sugar intake and lack of exercise, I know I could be doing better.
Stronger emotional status: I don't think I have to tell you that my lack of emotional strength lately has hindered me in many ways. Plus... I just don't like it! I used to be a very happy and easygoing kind of gal who always had a song on her lips. Now I feel like I'm more likely to start shouting than to sing.
Stronger Faith/Relationship: Of course, I'd like to see my Relationship with the Lord get back to where it was.
Stronger Marriage: I really don't deserve the wonderful hubby I have. I don't. He's stuck with me through all this - even when I was behaving like I belonged in a looney-bin. And I feel like it's time I re-discover the woman he married and begin to act like the wife he deserves.
Better consistency: I've often used the excuse that I'm not a person who does well with routine. To a degree, it's true. I can rarely keep up a consistent routine to save my life. But it's time that I work through that and get over myself. There are things that need to be done on a consistent basis, whether daily or weekly, and it's time I become a little bit more of a "creature of habit." I'm hoping that putting a workout/quiet time into my life will help me develop a better "routine" for other things in life. Homeschooling, studying, housework, and many other things.

I haven't decided exactly when to start. I thought about starting today, but today I'm going out to do some housecleaning. I'm realizing very quickly that this is something I'm going to have to MAKE TIME for, and I'm thinking that's not going to be very easy. I think I'm going to spend today psyching myself up to start tomorrow.

A Revelation

2011-10-09T19:29:00.000-07:00

I wanted to share something with you today. A revelation that I had out of the blue. Are you ready for it? Here it is:

I DON'T HAVE IT ALL TOGETHER

But here's the kicker...

NO ONE ELSE DOES EITHER

Sounds silly, I know - and actually, I've heard it before. But here's what made this revelation so enlightening to me.

I can look around me at any point on a given day and see something (or worse, multiple things) that need doing - and knowing that I've not done it makes me feel like I'm behind. Doesn't matter what it is, doesn't matter how long it's been there. If my son gets up from his breakfast and I see his bowl still on the table, I feel like I'm behind on cleaning the kitchen. The instant I realize that I need to dust, I feel like I should have done it already.

So the revelation I had was this. I don't need to see chores as something that should have been done yesterday. They are simply things that need to be done. And when I look at it this way, it's so much easier to realize when I'm NOT behind. In turn, I don't feel like a failure. Which leads to being more easily motivated to get them done in the first place, instead of moping around feeling like I'll never catch up on life. No one else walks around in a house where every single thing is finished before it needs to be done. They live in houses where they do things as they need doing, and everyone gets a little behind sometimes. There's no reason for getting overwhelmed.

This revelation has caused quite a bit of thought for me. It's kind of given me a different worldview and outlook on my life. I read this blog today about 8 Ways to Be a Better Mom to Young Children. Most of it wasn't really new to me, and I already do my best to put quite a bit of it into practice. But three things hit me.

"1. Make your relationship with the Lord your number one priority."

Um... wow. Over the past 6 years I've gone through quite a bit in my relationship with Christ. And slowly, but surely, I've quite making time to spend with him. I've always tried to keep Him at the forefront of my thoughts, but that's just not enough. It's time to start spending real time in the Word and in prayer again.

"2. Get a consistent routine in place."

I'm not a creature of habit. I never have been. It's a stretch to remember to brush my teeth in the morning (please don't run from your computer screaming!). And for the most part, I've done just fine. But if I want to be a homeschooling mom, if I want to continue living my life with a modicum of sanity, I've got to start having some modicum of a routine in my life that involves more than getting up and sipping coffee while reading a novel as I wake up in the morning.

"7. Realize that no mom — however put together she might look — is anywhere near perfect."

This one I knew, but it in light of the revelation I spoke up, it was just a really good reminder.

I'm sharing all this with you because in a couple of days I plan on unveiling something big that the Lord is preparing to do in my life. There's been lots of thought, and lots of growth happening in just the past few days, and I'm excited to be able to share it with you.

Making Biscuits

2011-10-09T11:55:00.000-07:00

This past week I had a "creative" dinner night. This is what happens when I realize that the house has food in it, but nothing that I "need" to put together any of the meals that I normally make. It used to be that on these occasions, I'd just head for the store to gather the things I needed, or we'd go out to eat. Since neither of these is an option, I've begun getting creative, and I'll have to tell you, it's a lot of fun.

Not only do I see less food going to waste (sometimes it amazes me how much less you spend at the grocery store when you aren't throwing it all away later), but it's actually quite interesting some of the new dinners I've come up with. Come on, you all know that you get stuck in that "rut" of eating the same 5-10 meals week in and week out. Creative dinner night forces me to get out of that rut.

So on this particular evening, I decided that:
a) I needed to use up the pint of buttermilk that was well past it's "sell by" date
b) The round beef steaks from the night before were WAY too tough to eat and were going to need some stewing if we were ever going to be able to finish eating them.

So I figured I'd make some variation of beef stew and buttermilk biscuits.

Now, the biscuit recipe I had only called for 3/4c of buttermilk. I had three times that amount. So I made three batches and we've been eating the leftover biscuits for snack and at breakfast.

Every time I make biscuits, I think of the following verse:
Romans 8:28
"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." (NIV)

I've heard many Christians take this to mean that as sheep and children of God that we are all entitled to be rolling belly deep in alfalfa. I've also heard it used so cliche-like to comfort those who are having hard times. And I've heard many worldly people criticize us for this belief. It kinda makes sense... I mean, what kind of sadistic God lets you go through hunger, or homelessness, or deep loss and goes, "Ah... don't worry about it... It's for your own good,"... right? I have to say, this "belly deep" version of this verse is ANYTHING BUT comforting. Trust me. I've been there. It only serves to make the poor soul feel like something is wrong with life or their faith, since there is absolutely no greenery anywhere.

I heard a wonderful analogy once.

Let's pretend you are hungry. How would you feel about tossing back a glass full of buttermilk? How about you open up and let me throw in a scoop of Crisco? Salt? Baking powder? Anyone think they can work down a couple cups of flour at a go? By themselves, not a single one of these things is at all appealing (unless you are one of those oddballs that loves straight buttermilk... in which case you have my sympathy). But when you put them together, the work for biscuits!

Now I know some out there would go, "Uh.. isn't that basically the same thing? God still throwing nastiness your way and telling you to suck it up?" Not quite. We're still missing an element.

The cook.

Now while yes, in a literal sense it is the cook that throws together the ingredients into a bowl, it's life that provides the ingredients. This week I had to use what was on hand at the time and ALL of it seemed nasty (nearly expired milk and tough meat). It's much the same with God. I think too many people live under the false impression that just because God is all-knowing and all-powerful that he is up there twiddling his fingers into our lives and playing around with us like a kid with an ant hill and magnifying glass. I don't believe that at all. While he COULD sit up there and snap His fingers and make things happen, He has give each and every one of us a free will. And as a result, he CHOOSES to make use of the things that are "on hand" in our lives rather than snapping his fingers and forcing perfection. Let's be honest, if He did that, we'd all be just a bunch of walking robots. And let's be honest again... life is ANYTHING but perfect.

Ok... back on track.

I don't think it's been any secret that life has thrown quite a bit of buttermilk my way recently. And I don't think it's been any secret that it's been a hard thing to swallow. But just as biscuits rise in the oven, I've been growing through it all. This past week I re-posted a picture of a baby girl who'd been kidnapped out of her own crib. Her picture was circulating Facebook and related news stations in an effort to find her. And as I thought about how tragic it all was, I realized something...

If I had gotten the yoga job that I thought I wanted so badly, My Man would have taken the night shift at his job. This would have left me home alone with two kids nearly every single night. Sure, we have a dog, but we also don't live in a nice "comfy" and well lit neighborhood. The longer I thought about it, the less sturdy the locks on my doors felt and the more I began to bless God for the little biscuits that come out of life's buttermilk.

There's been lots of other growth happening too, but I'll be sharing about that later. Straight up dry biscuits don't taste so good (Lord, can't I have just a LITTLE honey?), but they are way better than buttermilk and Crisco.

My Grandmother

2011-10-09T06:21:00.000-07:00

My dad's mom died when I was very young. I grew up with fewer memories of her, and more impressions of who she was than anything else. But as my older sisters are between 13-17 years older than I am, I'm blessed to still have many memories of who she was.

My grandmother grew up during the Great Depression, and as a result was quite a hard working and industrious woman. One of the few memories I have (that is actually my own) was of her cooking stew. She left the bones of the chicken in the pot and cooked the snot out of them until they were soft enough to eat, because when she was growing up, you didn't throw ANYTHING away. Ever.

While I do my best not to be a pack rat, I've really learned quite a bit in the past year, and even more so in the past 6-ish months, about learning not to throw things away. I've not particularly done it out of any desire to be "green" although that is a nice by-product. It's just that when you feel like you can't afford to buy ANYTHING, you begin to really appreciate what you already have, and what you can get for free. My mother has commented quite a few times in the past few years about how she thinks my Grandmother would be so proud of me for the things that I've learned to do, and the ways that I am working to help provide for my family.

As necessity truly is the mother of invention, I'd like to share just a few things that I've been doing lately that have really helped save my sanity.

So here's a pile of my odds-n-ends that I've been re-using.

For starters, I've quite throwing away butter tubs, lunch meat tubs, yogurt, sour cream, basically anything that's plastic and comes with a lid. As we all know, Tupperware gets lost quicker than you can purchase it (at least, it does at my house). So I now re-use the ones that I end up getting at the store. I figure, heck, I've already paid for it, why on earth should I be throwing it away?

Right now, this makes the absolute perfect tub to transport snacks for Critter (get it? "Critter Food"! And you thought I was feeding squirrels or something!).

Coffee cans have begun to be my life-saver in so many ways. Holding everything from pens/pencils, to cell phone chargers and other electronics. I keep thinking maybe one of these days I'll get really crafty and cover them in fabric so they also look pretty. I've got plans to continue saving them (especially the big ones) and then re-organizing Goober's toys in his room.

And by the way, I have no idea where I found this idea, but it's totally amazing! Bread clips/ties to tie up your electronic cords (I'm really annoyed at myself that I never thought of it before. No one point and laugh, please)! I leave enough hanging out of the tie to allow me to plug things in without having to undo the whole thing, but leaving enough of the cable tied up that storage is easy. The best part about this is that I no longer have to untangle cords anytime I want my cell phone charger. I've also seen these clips used to label cords that are occupying a power strip so you don't have to wonder which thing is plugged in where. Cool huh?

Of course I'm sure 90% of the population isn't surprised by this. And I'll admit, plastic bags are still one thing I'm not too particular about throwing away. I know that many people will wash them and re-use them until they actually spring a leak (and maybe even then some). If it needs washing, it goes in the garbage. But since I make all our bread, I store it in plastic bags, then continually re-use the bags.

Beans and plastic bags used to run rampant in their little corners of my kitchen. No longer! I've been saving jam jars (at least I was when I was buying jam) and peanut butter jars for just such occasions! Now my cupboards are not only more organized, but I didn't have to go out and buy anything to do it!

This little spark of ingenuity is my pride and joy. Do you know, I haven't bought paper in a year? A whole year! Not printer paper, not notebook paper, no sticky notes, nothing. I've been saving nearly every piece of mail that comes our way, and use them for everything from grocery lists (more on that in a moment), to doodle pads, to coloring paper for Goober McGoo.

Did you know, I've also not bought envelopes? Some people may think this is really pushing it, but anytime I need to send mail, I take a return envelope (one that doesn't have some kind of pre-paid postage since I think most of those are company specific), cover over the return address, slap a stamp on it and mail it! Occasionally we'll get a return envelope with those clear windows. Those are even better!

And for those envelopes that have been ripped open, my favorite thing is to use those for grocery lists. I'll make out my list, then mark the items I have coupons for. The coupons go into the envelope, and away I go!

I've also been saving some of our billing paper. Often times they look like this... minimal printing on the front, NOTHING on the back, and full sized sheets of paper to boot. I use these when doing non-formal printing (such as my coupons), and also use them to let Goober draw on, or for large lists and notes.

And while these are all the things that I'm re-using, let's not forget what you can do for yourself cheaper than you can buy! Bread is one I know I mention frequently, but one thing I've become more and more thankful for is jam.

You'd probably be very surprised what kind of fruit/berries you can get for free. We are very blessed to have a pear tree and a persimmon tree on our rental property, but this past year we also discovered a dewberry patch down the road from where we live, and a couple of fig trees that were on public land. By the time I get done making persimmon butter, we'll have more than enough jam to last us a whole year (and have some to give away to boot!). The initial cost for jars (I haven't had any of my own until now) feels like it sets us back a bit, the investment is well worth it. Even after paying for jars and sugar, with free fruit it comes out to be around $1/pint of jam. A whole PINT! And next year it will be even cheaper as I'll have a nice stock of jars already at my disposal. Then it'll probably come closer to $.25/pint.

Another freebie has been the wooden pallets we've used to build our chicken coop and dog house. And in the next couple of days we are going to drive by a hotel that is being built in our area to see what kind of scrap they are throwing away. Chicken coops can easily cost a couple hundred dollars. Ours only cost us a box of nails.

I like to imagine these are things my grandmother would have done (or maybe did) when she and her family went through tight spots. I'd like to think that if she could be here with me, that she'd smile at my chickens, give me new ideas of how to use my scrap fabric, and laugh as she helped me knead my bread.

I'd like to imagine that I'm my grandmother's granddaughter.

What I'd Rather Be Doing

2011-10-07T15:19:00.000-07:00

For a split instant I thought I should take a picture of the interior of my house so that you would fully understand the context of this particular blog post. Then I thought about masses of people running screaming from their computers, news reporters showing up and my humble home to report on the source of said chaos, and my beet red-face on televisions across America as I admit, that yes, my house does indeed look like a tornado came through it.

I've got about 7 loads of laundry folded on my couch waiting for my kids to be awake before I put it away. There are about 6 more to do before that's all done. I need to vacuum and clean my kitchen.

Who else out there is waiving the white hanky??

*crickets chirping*

Hello? Anyone?

Ok, perhaps I really am the only one who lets her house go that bad. But I can be ok with that ;)

My point in all this, is last night I vowed that I was going to get up and GET THINGS DONE. This is usually what I need to do in order to get anything done. I have to make the decision the NIGHT BEFORE. Is that odd to anyone?

Despite my best intentions, I got up this morning, and the weather was BEAUTIFUL! I went to feed the chickens and check on the AP system and by the time I got back in the house, all I could think about was finding MORE things to do outside. I convinced my hubby to help me fence in the grow beds (more on that in a moment), thought about picking more persimmons (which are getting ripe a few at a time). Every time I came back inside I just wanted to go back out. My hubby left for work at about noon, I nursed Critter, and then and there I decided that I was going to take the kids to the park for a nice long walk instead of doing the massive amounts of cleaning that needed to be done! I'm the world's best procrastinator ;)

So now that we are home and the kids are napping, I'm multitasking and listening to info about ebooks and blogging an update about our AP system.

Things are starting to look like an edible jungle! I think the highlight of my day is being able to go check on the system, see how things are growing, and dream about all the wonderful things we are going to be able to eat soon!

I think it's only going to be a few days before we're going to get to eat the first of our green beans. A little known fact about me... green beans are my FAVORITE veggie. Hands down.

These lettuces are pretty much ready to eat whenever we want them. Just pinch off a few leaves and away we go! I also occasionally feed a leaf or two to the talapia. They love 'em.

Zucchini blossoms. See the little baby zucchini nubbins? I'm a little bummed that they aren't any bigger. They've been there for a couple weeks now. I think our system is still maturing.

See how yellow the okra leaves look? You wouldn't believe how fast and large everything is growing, but the nutrient cycle is still adjusting and maturing so some leaves are yellowed and I think it's hindering our zucchini growth. I'm praying it evens out here soon.. I want them zucchini!!!

In our second grow bed we put squash, tomatoes, peas, yellow beans, cauliflower, and a variety of herbs. The tomatoes and squash are already blooming, and everything else is looking nice.


Then we have this problem. See the blaring lack of foliage at the end of this stem? Our turkeys discovered that zucchini leaves are tasty. The chickens followed suit and also began destroying the okra. We've had to take down the fence around our chicken coop and move it around our grow beds to protect them from our birds. But as they have a habit of not staying on the side of the fence that they belong on, I'm not entirely sure how well it's going to work. We'll have to see!

My Trip.

2011-10-06T14:37:00.000-07:00

So here they are! Highlights from my trip.

On the way to the airport both kids were so thrilled. In fact, Critter was so excited he went right to sleep!

G-McG couldn't stop talking about getting on an airplane. He's been on one before, but I really don't think he remembers it. I think this is him telling me what it was going to be like.

This was the first time I'd seen my oldest sister in years. And the first time she'd gotten to meet my kids! We had such a good time together!

Grandma, of course, got in all the baby snuggles she could manage!

Goober played and played and played with his cousin Hadi. In fact, she didn't go to daycare the whole time I was there. I figured there was no point in the two of them missing any time they could have together. they both enjoyed it so much!

Ahh... home. Well, sort of. My family lives just south of Colorado, so this is just the same as home to me!

Speaking of family, here we have four generations! My two sets of Grandparents, my Dad and one of his sisters, ALL my sisters, and all our kids! How exciting is that?! Haven't had a photo like this in about 13 years!

G-McG and his cousin found a hornet's nest while we were there. Poor kid. The two of them came SCREAMING into the house. It took a while to find all the bites, but after we managed to get them calmed down we realized all of Hadi's screaming was purely sympathetic. LOL

Once I got HIM calmed down, he did his best to put a good face on things. One of the stings was actually on his nose (that's baking soda on there, to help draw the venom out).

So we got him all bandaged up. Poor kiddo. I really just felt so bad for him.

Of course the next day he was right as rain. So we took him to my High schools football game! He had a B-L-A-S-T!

Do did Critter... not that you would know it by the look on his face. Ha!

Goober even got one of these fun little plastic footballs that the cheerleaders were tossing into the crowd.

I just had to add this one in. Goober usually dresses himself, but this time he managed to get his pants on inside-out. And he just about REFUSED to change. I guess he thought he was cool.

"Hey Granddad... what'cha got there in your mouth?"


"I'm not sure what it is, but it sure looks super tasty!"

Life Goes On

2011-10-06T13:09:00.000-07:00

I'd like to thank everyone who's prayed for me recently. Things sure have been hard, but I'm pleased to say that I'm feeling much better today than I have in a long time. A friend shared a verse with me that really hit me hard...

Psalms 73:21-28. "When my heart was grieved and my spirit embittered, I was senseless and ignorant; I was a brute beast before you. Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will take me into glory. Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing besides you I desire. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. Those who are far from you will perish; you destroy all who are unfaithful to you. But as for me, it is good to be near God. I have made the Sovereign Lord my refuge; I will tell of all your deeds." (Emphasis mine)

"I was senseless and ignorant... a brute beast."

Wow, does that ever describe how I've felt recently. And oddly enough, it's times like this when it seems so hard to really turn towards God. Praise Him that He is always gently leading us back to him, even when we don't seem to have the strength to seek him out for ourselves.

So life goes on.

______________________

So there have been some wonderful (and some not so wonderful) developments here on our Little Homestead. Egg production seemed to be in full swing, until we realized two of our girls were hiding their eggs. Upon discovering the nest and confiscating over half a dozen eggs, they promptly began a protest and our egg production was cut in half. As for the second half of our flock, the weather is beginning to cool and I'm starting to think they will not really begin laying until the spring.

But life goes on!

But our AP system seems to be fully functional! We've not had to adjust the chemical levels in the tank in weeks, and the vegetables are growing wonderfully! I wish I could show you pictures, but my camera has seemed to completely kick the bucket! I thought it might be a battery issue, but after plugging it in I STILL can't get it to turn on so I can get the pictures off of it.

Onward life! Onward!

Oh, and we were letting our birds free-range the backyard, but they started getting out all the time, and then they discovered our grow beds! We've lost 3 zucchini plants, a few okra, and part of a small tomato plant. The chickens are now corralled in their own fence again.

But things keep plugging along.

I'm now certain that our turkeys are a matched pair. People have begun asking me if I will be breeding them. Initially the plan was that the only thing that would save them from gracing our table come the holidays was if they were a pair, at which point we'd allow them to breed and THEN they would be introduced to the inside of my oven. However... THEY FREAKING EAT A TRUCKLOAD OF FOOD!! I'm pretty sure they've already eaten WAY more than they are worth. Between the two of them they eat more than all 11 of our chickens combined (even when allowed to free range). So to the chop it is and hang letting them breed! LOL. I think this is the last year we will have turkeys until we have enough land to let them range instead of eating feed.

And plus, I can't help but look at their legs every time I go outside. It's like a scene from a cartoon, where one character gets so hungry he starts to imagine his friend as a T-bone, or a drumstick, or something. That's what I see when I look at my birds. DRUMSTICKS! And I seriously start to drool just thinking about how tasty they are going to be here in the next few months!

And I will eat them.
And my tummy will be happy.
And life will go on!

P.S. Perhaps my camera issue is a battery. I've had it plugged in for a while and just got it to upload my pictures! Update about my trip to New Mexico coming soon!

Looking for a Window

2011-10-03T16:20:00.000-07:00

"When God closes a door, somewhere He opens a window."

Right now, I'm looking for the window, but I'll be honest, I'd rather sit on the front porch and cry.

What is it about us humans that makes us work so hard for hope, then become so dissapointed when it doesn't come through?

My husband's job hasn't promoted him as fast as we thought it would, and my childbirth classes haven't picked up like I thought they would. As a result, we're in a much tighter financial position than we ever planned on being in. Our budget has been cut back once again, and now Critter is starting to contribute to the grocery bill.

So I decided to look for work. After weeks of job hunting and sending emails and resumes, I finally got an interview with what seemed to be the perfect job! Afternoon hours that wouldn't keep me away from my kids for too long, decent pay but also with commission, and free yoga to boot! Alas, after a week of waiting and a couple of "look forward to hearing from you soon" emails/calls, I was told I didn't get the job.

I'm really a lot more than bummed and am having to fight the urge to be cynical and bitter. Knowing that "the Lord has something better" just doesn't make me feel better. Especially when I got back online and didn't see a single workable job in all the listings. I could (and probably will) put out some ads asking if someone needs some housework done, but I HATE housework. I'll do it, and be grateful for the paycheck, but at the end of the day it feel pretty crappy to know that I'm going to be doing something I hate when I could have been doing something I loved.

So it's back to the drawing board. Maybe this is God's way of letting me know to just pursue my Childbirth classes harder? I'm going to have to have something to throw myself at until I get past this disappointment phase. And in the meantime, I'll be looking for that "window."

Homeschooling... For Me!

2011-08-21T12:35:00.000-07:00

My husband and I decided on homeschooling before we even found out we were pregnant with Goober. We'd both been to public school and came out fine, but we'd also been seeing and hearing about changes in the public school system and decided that if we could afford to keep me at home, we'd like to do better for our kids.

When we first got married, I was studying to be a Sign Language Interpreter. I got one credit shy of graduating before I decided that I needed to make being a mom my full time job. Since then, I've become a "self educator" in so many ways.

When I was pregnant the first time, I read every book and internet article I could get my hands on to learn about what was happening to my body and how to work with it.

And then there's the life things that I've worked on learning... Budgeting, chickens, aquaponics, home business, investments, home buying, dog training, earthships...

When I was pregnant with Critter, I read it all again, studied self hypnosis, yoga, the placenta, and many herbal pregnancy remedies. All this led to my desire to be a childbirth educator, which I'm currently studying. The more I read for my CBE certification, the more I want to know! I've read about massage, hypnosis, herbal remedies, homeopathic remedies, yoga, the fertility cycle, and so many other things. I keep thinking to myself, "Gosh, after I get my CBE cert. I want to get certified to teach/do THAT!"

Yoga
Massage
Hypnobirth
Fertility Awareness
Herbs/homeopathy
Acupressure/Acupuncture

I figure I've got enough things to study to keep me "in school" for as long as my kids are... maybe even longer! I think perhaps when they are all grown enough to not need babysitters, I might like to become a midwife.

Anyway, all this to say - When I first "quit" college I felt like I was done learning. It made me a bit sad to think that I'd gone as far as I was ever going to go. But since then I've realized... a degree is just a piece of paper. The knowledge I'm gaining now, through my own study, is SO much more valuable to me. It's things I can put into LIFE practice. And it's EXCITING! I pray I can instill the same desire for learning into my kids.

The Books: Lesson II - Linking It All Together

2011-08-20T20:26:00.000-07:00

Ok, in the last post I covered tracking your spending and general set up. Now I'll show you how I link it all together so that the spreadsheet does my math for me and how I can see where everything is.

Ok, go into your budget spreadsheet and begin adding in all your known bills. Just start with the things that are "set in stone". Mortgage or rent, car payments, etc. I like to be that all my projected figures are done in red first.

If you are setting aside a specified amount out of each paycheck (such as tithing to your church, or setting aside money in savings, etc.), it can be helpful to use a formula. A weekly formula would look like this - [=]((income #1)+(income #2))*.1[enter]. You can then click and drag the formula across so it will do the same for each week.

I prefer to give a tithe check once a month, so here is what that formula looks like. [=](sum(click and drag 4 weeks of income #1)+(click and drag 4 weeks of income #2))*.1[enter].

Once you've done that, it's time to begin adding in the numbers from your checkbook and credit card sheets. Remember, my hubby and I only have ONE credit card, so we only have the two registers. You'll want separate registers for as many different cards as you use.

I'm going to start with the "Food" category. Find the appropriate cell and type [=], then click over to your register spreadsheet...

Begin clicking each cell that has been labeled as "Food". You'll want to put a [+] after each one before you click the next one.

When finished, just hit enter. You can see highlighted at the top all the cells I've added together. If you have "Food" purchases in your credit card register as well, be sure these go into the same formula.

Viola! 132.77 spent on food for the week.

Now go back to your checkbook register, and mark each "Food" transaction so you can keep track of what still needs to be accounted for.

Do the same for every other category.

Now, you'll notice in my checking register, there are two payments to the credit card. These can get an automatic check off as long as the payments show up in your credit register. The reason is this... ALL purchases are automatically going into your budget spreadsheet. That is because at the bottom of the sheet you will be looking at your NET WORTH, not just how much money you have in the bank. Anyone can pick up the phone and ask the bank for a text or jump online to check their account balance. But knowing your net worth is so much more important, since it lets you know how much farther you still have to go to be debt free.

Payments to your credit card end up showing up "automatically" so you don't need to worry about inputting them into your budget sheet.

Time to find out what you are worth! :D

In the cell labeled "Leftover" you can put the following formula... Your "previous balance" is highlighted in purple at the top of the page
[=]previous balance[+]income #1[+]income #2[-]sum(click and drag down the line of purchases)[enter]

And now, for the final test. Do your numbers add up???

Next to your final transaction for the week, use the following formula...
[=]checkbook total[-]credit card total[enter]

If the two totals come out the same, then everything adds up and you are good to go!

If things add up, I like to mark it so that if things don't add up later (like, if I don't balance my books for a few weeks, oops) then I don't have to guess how far back to travel before things are right again.

Obviously, it's more fun when this number is positive. And when it is, you can start deciding where to put your extra flow.

In the next few posts I'll talk about some troubleshooting for when the numbers DON'T add up, as well as some more advanced things that I use my particular spreadsheet for.

The Books - How I Stay Floating: Lesson I - Setting Up

2011-08-18T19:26:00.000-07:00

When my hubby and I got married, we brought a relatively minimal amount of debt into our new lives together. He had about $700 on a credit card (the only one either of us had) and I had a single student loan totaling about $2500. I knew his job was more than taking care of us, so I was fairly sure we could pay it off pretty quickly. My parents had taught me how to balance a checkbook, and I'd been living on my own for a while, so I knew about paying bills.

Somehow someone missed a key part of our pre-marital counseling. Agree about saving and/or spending? Check. Agree about tithing? Check. Tell your spouse when bills are due? Wait... huh? What?! I can't tell you how many times we bounced our checking account in those first few months because he couldn't remember "exactly" when a bill was going to come due, and many of them were on auto draft.

So I built this spreadsheet, to not only remind me of when bills were going to come due, but to help me project when we might go "in the red" so I could cut back on our spending to compensate. Over the past 5 years I can say, I've pretty much gotten it perfected. I've talked about my marvelous spreadsheet before and have had many of my friends ask me to show them how it works. I've worked up a sheet for my best friend, my mom (who was completely impressed when I showed it to her just last year), and my sister. I'll now try to give you a tutorial on how it works.

I'll be posting pictures as I go along, but I'm going to assume you have at least SOME working knowledge of Excel, or are at least moderately computer savvy. You'll also need to pull up some of that rust Algebra from high school. If you failed Algebra, I'm terribly sorry, but you'll really need to be sure you understand some of the fundamentals of that line of math in order to make sure your numbers add up properly. I have to warn you, I'm not by any means an Excel expert and I'm sure there are many shortcuts and things I don't know about. I'm just going to show you how I do it.

The very first thing you will want to do is spend a few weeks (at LEAST two, but more preferably a whole month) tracking where all your money goes. Labeling the bills that come up regularly will be easy... insurance payments, car payments, water, electric, cell phones, etc. What will be harder is labeling your generic day to day spending. Gasoline for the car, food, clothes, dog food, fast food, coffee, dates, etc. This is where you can have some wiggle room and where your spreadsheet will be unique. You can be as specific or generic as you like. For instance, for me dog food, shampoo, kitty litter, and deodorant still get labeled under "food" because usually they are things we actually NEED and I tend to do one stop shopping at Wal-Mart.

Once you've got a general list of where all your money goes, it's time to build up your spreadsheet!

Ok. Here's what my general budget sheet looks like. I've modified it to make things a bit easier.

You can see each month is separated into separate weeks. For us, the week goes from Monday to Sunday because my Hubby's job used to pay him on Monday. He also gives plasma. I used to lump plasma in with the "pay" category, but they recently changed the payout system and now put it on a pre-paid debit-type card so it gets it's own line. I'll explain more later.

So at the top I've got our incoming money. Below that are each of the things that I've allowed for in our budget. You can put them in any order you like. I've got Tithe and Savings at the top because they are things that are non-negotiable to us and come out of EVERY paycheck.

Before you go filling in any of your boxes on this particular section in your spreadsheet, you'll need to hit up the ol' checking register. I do all my banking online, so this is a fairly easy step for me. I open my bank account and simply put every single transaction into my spreadsheet. This helps me keep track not only of MY spending, but my hubby's as well. I have two spreadsheets, one for our checking account, and one for our credit card (and recently I've built a new one for his plasma card, but we'll stick to just the two to keep things a little more simple).

Ok, just in case you missed this part of your financial training... here's how you put together a checkbook.
On the right, you can see the column for the type of transaction.
D - Deposit
mdc - My debit card
cdc - My hubby's debit card
930 - Any actual checks I write get labeled by the check number. In an "old fashioned" checkbook, all the things in this category would be check numbers.

After you've listed what type of transaction you are dealing with, you can list the day they occurred. I prefer to only list the day once, but that's my personal preference. Also, remember that it can take a couple of days for a transaction to clear your bank account. To this end, I prefer to list the day it clears as opposed to the day it was actually spent.

After the date comes where the transaction came from. Pretty self explanatory. However, some merchants don't actually label themselves as "Joe's Big Lobster Shop" when they ask your bank to honor your card purchase. It might say something kind of ambiguous like, "Fish Gut Guys". Often times I find myself wondering if someone stole my card and went on a sushi garbage eating spree. It's important to check your bank account often so that you'll remember where you've shopped and be able to put two and two together... especially when it will help you know what category each purchase goes into.

Which brings me to our next section... the category. You remember in our budgets spreadsheet we had all the categories of where our spending is going? You'll be tracking that in your checkbook as well.

And finally, time to enter the numbers. Purchases/withdraws will go in the left hand side, and deposits on the right. The total will be in the third slot. Now, if you had to do all the math by hand, you'd be taking your previous balance, adding your deposits, then subtracting your purchases. The lovely thing about Excel is that it does all this for us in a flash with no mistakes :)

Time to build your formula! From here on out, anything you need to type I'll be putting in brackets [ ]. You don't need to enter these in, they are just make things easier to read on the blog.

Pick the cell you want to show your totals. Type [=] then click your previous balance, [+] click your deposit [-] click your withdraw. You'll want to click the two cells next to each other to be sure your formula works correctly.

Now, since my first balance (in purple) was not directly above the cell I started working in, I'll need to re-enter the formula in the second cell (shown). From here I'll use a shortcut to continue down the line.

Make sure your most current cell is highlighted (one click will do). It will show up as having a bold outline. At the bottom right of this outline will be a tiny black square. Click this square and drag down the column.

Viola! Your register formula does the work for you!

Now, you'll want to go through and build the same thing in separate spreadsheets for each credit card or separate account you have. For us, we only have one credit card, plus my hubby's plasma card. You can see those tabs labeled at the bottom of the spreadsheet.

For your own personal spreadsheet, I'd go back and track at least a couple weeks and begin listing your purchases there. It'll just help you make sure you've caught all previous transactions.

In our next lesson, I'll be covering how to put it all into your budget spreadsheet. Stay tuned!

P.S. I was going to have nearly a dozen pictures to go along with my tutorial. However, after waiting a couple HOURS for my computer to upload them, I gave up and went with the shortened version. Sorry folks... you'll have to work it out on your own!

What They Don't Teach You at Aquaponics School: Lesson II

2011-08-16T12:25:00.000-07:00

Ok, once again, I've never been to aquaponics school. Maybe we'd have had a little less trouble setting the darn thing up if I had! LOL.

So a couple of days after all the guys deposited the parts in our backyard, we went out and attempted to get it at least MOSTLY set up. we started by filling dirt in around the edges of the fish tank.

Then we started setting up the platform for the grow beds. The beds are made of plastic and were originally set up on cinder blocks with a couple 2x4's running along the bottom. They REALLY were not handling the weight of the rock and water well, so we decided to put pallets up on the cinder blocks to support the weight of the beds.

Setting all that up meant making sure the blocks were level in relationship to each other, then also making sure the pallet was leveled out once it was on top.

Perfect!!!!

My wonderful hubby then filled the center of the blocks in with some more sand, just to make them a little more sturdy. Goober was being a big helper!

Goober being even more of a big helper! Time to empty the bed of gravel so we could get it hoisted on top of the platform. I have NO IDEA how all those guys managed to get this silly thing put into the back of the pickup trucks they used to haul them over to our house. The thing probably weighs close to a half a ton!

From here...

To here!

As I went I did my best to remove some of the heavier root systems. In hindsight, I guess I really didn't have to do that. I thought it would make it easier on new plants not to have to work around them, but they would have just decomposed and added their own fertilizer to the beds. Oh well. On another note, look at how BLACK those roots are! That's every gardener's DREAM COLOR for growing yummy edible things!

Once we got the gravel out we tipped over the bed and discovered we had a problem. The bottom of the drain tube was mangled beyond repair. Mike had told us that one of them broke during the move, so we emptied out the second bed thinking it would be fine and that we could get at least half the system up and running. The second drain was busted too.

Bleh.

So we waited until Sunday when Hubby had the day off. Off to the hardware store we went! Got pieces to replace the PVC piping, primer and PVC glue. The rubber washers were still in good shape. We also picked up some seeds to get started with. "Surely today we'll have it up and running!" we told ourselves.

Think again. Why don't these things ever go as planned?

The beds were warped enough that the washers weren't doing a good enough job. I can't tell you how frustrated we were. Hubby doesn't get consistent days off, and dog gone it, we wanted our system set up!!!

So last night (Monday) Hubby borrowed some caulking from some friends. This morning, we were DETERMINED to get the job done!

This is the view of the inside of the drain system (caulked and ready to go). Water will fill to the top of this pipe (which sits just a few inches lower than the top of our gravel). Once the water is high enough to completely cover the top of this pipe, it will create a suction action that will pull water out of the bed to drain it.

This is the cover tube. The holes around it allow water to flow easily without root systems blocking up the entire operation. When enough air gets to the bottom of the tube, the suction action stops and the whole process repeats it's self.

Drain primed and glued and ready for action!

Finally! All set up!

Time to fill 'er up with gravel! Here's where we learned something else... if you have to dump your gravel, it's probably best to do it on a tarp or something laid over the ground. It was hard to keep from shoveling dirt as well as gravel, and we ended up with quite a bit of grass and other debris in our gravel. I'm not really worried about them choking up the system or anything - I think they'll just disintegrate. What I AM worried about is possible weed seeds in our grow bed. I'd hate to think I got all this set up and that later I'm going to have to actually WEED the stupid thing! That's supposed to be one of the joys of an aquaponics garden. NO WEEDING! Only time will tell.

Filling.. Filling...

Full!!! :D

Setting up the water works.

Here goes nothing. We turned on the pump, opened the flow, and let her go to town.

After less than a minute, we started getting little drips coming out of the pipe. It made us slightly nervous that we'd dome something wrong.

Little drips turned into a small stream...

Which turned into a steady flow...

Which turned into gushing water.

From what we knew, this was supposed to be normal. The question would be whether or not it would shut back off again. We waited for another few minutes...

Sure enough, hot diggity, it turned off! Our system is fully operational! We pretty much started jumping up and down and dancing for joy at this point.

I immediately planted our seeds. These all went into the same grow bed. Now, I think traditionally, most people choose to plant seedlings. You can just move some of the gravel and plop them right in. But Mike had just sprinkled his seeds on top of the gravel and they still went to town. I'm hoping ours will do the same. The only one's I'm nervous about are the "Gormet Salad" seeds... those things were so super tiny that I don't know for sure if they will get washed away with the water or not. But the rest should do just fine.

I'm praying that in a week or so I'll have some new photos of plants to show you all!

What They Don't Teach You at Aquaponics School

2011-08-13T13:47:00.000-07:00

Ok, ok... not that I've actually BEEN to aquaponics school. Really everything I know has come from DVD's, internet research, and our good friend Mike who introduced us to the whole thing to begin with.

The basic premise involves the following...
1) Set up system
2) Insert fish
3) Insert Plants
4) Grow.

It's really just about that simple. Quite a bit of your troubleshooting comes from an immature system where either the fish are too small to produce enough fertilizer for your plants, or your plants are too small to filter the water for your fish properly. It takes a system anywhere from a few months to a few years to properly mature (the time frame depends heavily on how fast your fish mature).

Over the past months, I've learned many things. What is needed to start a system, how to put it together, some basic (and not so basic) troubleshooting, and mostly just a bunch of general how to.

But here's what they DON'T teach you at aquaponics school.

1.a) Digging the hole for the fish tank is the EASY part. It took my hubby and two of his buddies the better part of a couple hours to dig this hole. Which brings me to 1.b) If it hasn't rained in your area... try watering the snot out of the area where you plan to dig. It'll probably make things a lot easier.

2) Even though your backyard fence has a double swinging gate, it's probably best to be sure that all vehicles are going to be able to fit through it and past the trees BEFORE everyone arrives. We ended up having to move the chicken coop... no easy feat.

3) However many hands you thought you needed to move the system... double it. You have no idea the trials these guys faced just getting the system put onto the trucks to begin with! I was at home making dinner and brownies to feed the crew, so I didn't see the action - but let me tell ya' - friendships were nearly lost over it.

4) As long as you are only going a short distance and plan to refill your tank immediately upon arrival, your fish will probably survive ok. Once I saw how LITTLE water there was in the tank I pretty much expected that the fish were going to die of shock. But so far, we haven't lost one! That's a blessing all in it's self!

5) It really probably isn't worth it to try and save the plants. The draining systems for the grow beds got completely busted/mangled in the process of the move. The original plan was to literally move the COMPLETE MATURE system, and that included saving as many of the plants as possible. But the guys above spent the better part of an hour trying to figure out how on earth to get the beds OFF the truck and onto the support blocks without completely destroying them. In the end, we were running out of daylight and had to just pull them off and get them on the ground.

This means that hubby and I are going to have to set them up completely on our own. Each bed probably weighs close to 1/2 a ton just in gravel. We got a portion of the work done (I'll blog about that next), but we've got to get some parts to fix the drain systems before we can go any farther.

I'm sure if we had realized the work involved in moving a mature system, we could have done some more brainstorming on how to do it without breaking things/people's backs. But in the end, I think it's safe to say this...

If you find yourself having to move, sell your system to whoever is moving into your place and start over when you get to your new house or, do your best to save the fish, but take the rest of the system apart. The plants should grow fairly quickly/easily so it's just not worth trying to save them.

We did however save the grapevine. I just hope I can water it enough to help it survive the move, especially since it's been so hot and dry around here.

The Hidden Path

2011-08-10T13:51:00.000-07:00

My kids are napping (well... sort of).

I decided to take the opportunity of being "kid free" to sit down and balance our checkbook. We've got a couple bills I was putting off paying until Hubby got paid (which he did today).

As I was going through and adding and subtracting numbers, I decided to project a little bit. I don't know how other people balance their books, but I nearly always do some projecting into the future. Most of the time it's to asses how well off we will be and how fast I can come up with extra funds, etc. But recently, this is how I figure out which bills we can pay immediately, which ones will have to wait a week, and how I can get them all paid off without breaking the bank.

Things began to look ugly in a hurry. In fact, it began to look like in less than two weeks we were not going to be able to eat. I knew the next couple of months were going to be the hardest on us financially. September is when we pay off a couple of bills and finally get some breathing room (not much, but some). I just didn't know we were going to completely broke in only a couple weeks!

I don't know if you've ever faced that. It's a scary thing. It really is. And I began to feel the same familiar panic rise up in me.

Just as I was about to jump on facebook and begin wailing my woes to the world, I took one last look at our books. I began to wiggle, move, crunch, and pray.

And a miracle happened. I found just enough wiggle room to float us through. It was as if I was walking down a dark path and realized there was a cliff in front of me, but there was no way to go back. Just when I thought I was going to get shoved over the edge, the Lord gently lifted a vine out of my way and I saw a small path leading away from danger. So instead of wailing and woe-ing, I was able to post this...

"Just when I think there might be no way out, the Lord peels back another layer and shows me the hidden path... and I can rest easier at least knowing there is somewhere to go."

I'm not saying that it's not going to be hard. It is. But at least on paper, I can see a way through this immediate mess.

We're talking about hubby getting another job. I've put out some emails in response to some job ads on craigslist and the paper. Either of us being able to bring in some extra cash will more than take care of whatever expenses and "rough times" we have ahead of us. But I know you can't COUNT on new jobs, or better pay, or any such counting of your "chickens before they hatch." But I know, that even if these things don't get taken care of, we'll survive.

Peace that passes all understanding....

P.S. Hubby and his friends dug a hole this morning... we'll be getting our aquaponics system set up this evening! Pics to come!

More Blessed Than I Deserve

2011-08-09T11:41:00.000-07:00

This week at church I was really moved by the lesson. Our pastor spoke out of the tail end of Phillipians. It was not anything "new" or "profound", but in some ways, it was new to me because it was a reminder of things I was not living out in my day to day life.

Philippians 4:4-7 (ESV) "Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things."

As I sat in Church meditating on what was being said, I realized something. My life has become about organization, coordinating, and goals. It's helped me become a better housekeeper, wife, mom, homeschooling parent, student, and business woman. I've done a lot of growing in that area of my life.

But what about goals for growing in my spiritual life? While I was working at Teen Mania, I learned quite a bit about freedom... that my spiritual walk is not defined by my diligence (or lack thereof) in spending daily time in some sort of structured "Quiet Time". It's been very helpful in understanding my place as a wife/mom and knowing that my relationship can still be sustained in other ways.

However, with all the goals I've made in my life... what about spiritual goals? I've been realizing slowly that as great as freedom in my relationship with the Lord is, there is still something to be said for MAKING time to get into the Word - that there is a NEED to make time for prayer. I've been "practicing" at being a better person in my day-to-day tasks... why not practice being a better Follower of Christ?

So I made some goals. Top among them was to spend time counting my blessings. As hard as things have been for us lately, this is something that I've really been struggling with.

Sure enough, not a full 24 hours later, I was already stressing out about bills, finances, and our future. It was a TERRIBLE day for me yesterday. At one point I actually said something along the lines of, "On days like today counting my blessings just doesn't seem to add up." It certainly felt that way. If I said "We're starting to feel the pinch from Hubby's job switch" last week... it was EVEN MORE true yesterday, and is only going to get worse in the days to come.

"How can we possibly begin to meet our 5 year plan if we can't even afford to take care of the first step?" (that being, to build a small aquaponics system just for us and learn to operate/troubleshoot it).

Then, last night, someone GAVE US ONE!!! The whole thing... tank, grow beds, motor, greenhouse, FISH, PLANTS! They didn't know our situation, they only knew that the Lord was saying we needed it and that we were of like minds in seeing others be able to lead healthier, more independent lives.

I didn't even know what to say. At the time I couldn't even say "Thank you" I just turned around and went back in the house and left them to talk to my Hubby. I'd spent all day near to tears about our situation, plotting and planning about how to get things under control, and even answering some want ads in hopes of finding some extra income, and all the while the Lord was busy working to take care of us.

I'd like to be able to say, "I'll never worry again!" but I'd hate to start making promises that I can't keep.

This morning, I had the chance to spend a couple hours talking to my best friend on the phone. I'm expecting another call from another wonderful friend later today. And all these things have reminded me that I am more blessed than I deserve.

Today, counting my blessings more than adds up.

The True Tithe

2011-08-04T20:02:00.000-07:00

I once heard an extraordinary lecture that I hope I'll never forget. It was about the Christian tithe.

Now, I know that some Christians don't believe we should have to tithe anymore, and I'm not here to debate that point. I myself have always chosen to tithe out of my income, not only because I think it's Biblical, but because I have seen firsthand the incredible benefits of it.

Most recently, my hubby and I have have been giving our tithe to support a friend going to a Christian internship. We had moved churches, and when we did we weren't sure where to send our tithe, so it went to her. She's now done with her internship and we are looking for where to be sending it next. We're thinking about giving it to a lady who's in missions right now with Wycliffe Bible Translators.

When we first heard about the work this woman is doing with the Bible translators, it brought up the ever growing desire to support missionaries. For many years now I've wished we could do something more "physical" than just pray for these people. Since our tithe was already pledged elsewhere, it broke my heart to not be able to do anything more for her. Now we will be able to! I can't tell you how exciting that is to me!

However, as I was writing to her to inform her that Hubby and I would quite possibly be supporting her soon, I remembered that sermon about tithing. One of the key things that struck me about it was the teacher's challenge about LIVING the tithe. Originally speaking, the tithe was not just a 10% contribution, but a giving of the FIRST FRUITS... that is, a giving of the FIRST of each harvest, or paycheck, etc.

But how many of us give the Lord our first fruits of everything? Is He the FIRST one we run to to tell about a bad day, or a bonus check, when we are hurt, or scared, or elated? How often do we call our mom/dad/sister/best friend and tell them the news without first telling the Lord?

And while I have prayed for our friend with Wycliffe, this thought about tithing (both financially and spiritually speaking) made me think of something else.

I know that prayer is the ultimate support in work such as this. A missionary could have enough financial support to stay "in the field" for life, but if there is not any prayer support the harvest would never come about. However, sometimes I can't help but feel like prayer just isn't enough. I know this is a weakness in my own heart and it's something that I'm asking the Lord to work out of me. Anyway, the thought I had was this...

What if we all took a "tithing" mentality into prayer? What if I was as assiduous, ardent, and excited about giving my prayer time as I am about giving my money?

Whoa.

Cause I'll admit, while I have prayed for our friends in the field, I've never spent as much time doing it as I have balancing my checkbook to know what and when we can send financial support.

I can't tell you how challenging this concept has been to me. I've shared about how desperate I have become to reach our goal of self sufficient living - not only to provide for our family - so that we can free our finances up to be able to do more than tithe towards missions. With this mindset in mind, what if my goals for prayer were just as big, if not bigger?

I'm still processing all this. And I can be terrible at doing anything that requires an actual LIFESTYLE change. But I'll let you know as the fullness of this all sinks in.

Finding Balance

2011-07-29T16:34:00.000-07:00

I balanced my checkbook and my budget today. It wasn't pretty.

I have a love/hate relationship with balancing my budget. I can crunch numbers and count my chickens until the cows come home. I have one large spreadsheet that keeps track of our checkbook, debt, and savings - with everything linked together and cross referenced. At a glance I can tell how much we are spending on any given budgeted item, where we are doing well and where we need to make cutbacks, and how all of this is going to affect my future checking balance.

Sometimes I love it. I love watching all the numbers add up and balance correctly.

But other times, I can totally drive myself crazy with it.

"Let's see, if Hubby makes $X this week, and we can cut back on "Q" spending, and I can put "G" in savings and still have "U" to spend on other things."

And I start making plans and dreaming big.

"OOH! If we keep at it, we'll be debt free in "X" months! Then we'll have our down payment saved up by "Y" and..."

And of course, it never goes that way. Ever.

And a couple months ago, I REALLY made myself crazy over it all. My work at starting Childbirth Education classes in my area was really getting to me, and in turn, the rest of my life started to fall apart. The budget was only a part, but oh what a big part it seemed to be!

When the Lord finally helped me snap out of it, I realized I needed to loosen up a bit and quit trying to micro-manage every future penny. So I did. I cooled off, stopped projecting our future income and expenditures, and chose to relax on some of my budgeting.

And today, as I balanced the budget, I remembered why I have it in the first place.

I feel like I can't win. I know that's not true. I can look back and see where I've done this to myself. But I for sure need to find some balance, and I need to do it pronto. I'm now going to have to cut back to the "n-th" degree for a couple of weeks just to be able to pay the rent. Thinking about it starts to put me back into the cycle...

"If we cut back "X" and "I", we'll be able to make rent. And if we can KEEP cutting back "X" and "I" then we'll save "Q" dollars and oh! how fast that would add up!"

But we can't always cut back on "X" and "I". I learned that pinching too tight can slowly drive a person insane. But I've also just learned that there is a REASON for having a budget, and sticking to it can help you meet your goals.

I think beginning to pay with literal cash for everything is going to be a strong step in the right direction. With cash, I can only "project" as far as the next week, which should help keep from driving me insane. And having the instant reminder of how much I can or can not spend should help encourage me to save when I can without driving myself mad.

It's all a matter of finding the right balance.

Paying Cash

2011-07-28T17:58:00.000-07:00

One of the things I've come across more and more in my quest to be a good steward of our money is the concept of paying cash for everything. I've heard everything from people saving to pay cash for everything from Christmas presents, to new cars, to even a house! But I recently read a little testimony of a family of 7 who ended up needing a place to live and were desperately trying to find an option other than an extended stay hotel. In the end, they were able to rent a house because they were able to offer the guy the FULL 3 MONTHS RENT UP FRONT IN CASH!!!

I've worked VERY hard at the idea of using cash, even if it has been in the "plastic" world. I know that some people take out their entire paycheck in cash, then divide it up into little envelopes and only spend what's in the envelope. I do basically the same thing, only I've been doing it by keeping a spreadsheet that keeps track of our finances. I usually only go to the store once a week, and immediately I can tell in that one trip if we have stayed in our budget, and I NEVER use our credit card unless I intend to pay it off at the end of the month.

But recently, I've run into a little problem. We'll stay under our budget by say, $20. Then Caleb will call me from work and remind me that we're out of "x". I'll remember that we have $20 left in our budget, so I'll tell him to pick it up. Later, I'll be out and about w/ a hungry kiddo. I'll remember that we had $20 left in our budget, so instead of putting up with whining while I finish running my errands, I'll pull over and get us both something to eat.

Since I've cinched our budget back so far, this has become a problem.

On paper it seems like it's only a few dollars here and a few dollars there, but I know by now that all those little dollars can add up quick.

Anyway, right now, we are nowhere NEAR being able to do anything of that sort. I can't wait for the day when our budget allows us to begin saving for some form of catastrophe like that. I know of people who lost jobs or got in accidents and were only able to continue living because they'd managed to save 6 months+ of living expenses. I know that the Lord will ALWAYS take care of us, but I'd like to think that being a good steward now would keep Him from having to dig us out of a hole later :(

In light of trying to save up for all our dreams I've decided I'm going to begin taking our immediate spending money (food/play/etc) out in cash. I'm hoping this will help me keep track of it better. It should also help me keep better track of "rollover" cash and help me know when we've really got enough extra to be able to put it into savings.

Thinking about all this and doing my best to begin using cash to help us stick to our budget better has really challenged me to re-think the way I've been looking at our dream goals. I've been in a mindset of thinking that we'll just save whatever we can in the next 1-2 years and then make the largest down payment possible on land and a house. Although I've heard before that sometimes it really is more beneficial to take out the loan (if it will make you more money now than you'll lose initially in the loan), I think I might be taking another look at our how we plan on reaching our goals.

I have no idea if all that made sense.

Basically, it comes down to this - I'm still learning. Every day is a new learning experience. And right now, I'm learning about cash.

The Desert

2011-07-25T17:16:00.000-07:00

My wonderful husband asked me an important question today.

"Do you think we are living in the desert?"

I had to really think about that before I answered him.

About a month ago I went through a near complete nervous breakdown. It involved an overload of stress, feeling guilty and throwing nearly all my clothes into garbage bags with the intent of throwing them away, and numerous thoughts (and some planning) of running away from home.

Yeah. It was rough.

But when the smoke finally cleared I remembered a few things.
1). God is in control. Period. And His grace is sufficient for me.
2). I have to ALWAYS choose to live my life in service to Him. That means that regardless of how I may FEEL about things, I always have the option of choosing to push on.
3). I need to spend more time stopping and counting the things that I DO have instead of looking at the things that I DON'T have.

It was a hard lesson to learn. But back to the original thought...

Am I living in the desert? I said, "Yes, and no."

On the one hand, we have MANY dreams and goals (independent living, being a financial blessing to others, the ability to support 5-ish children) and right now we have next to no viable resources to make those dreams happen. We don't have tons of extra money. We don't have family with tons of extra money. Neither of us have big doctorate degrees that would encourage others to invest in us. All we have is God. And each other. And a whole lot of grit.

It's this "lack" of ability to reach our current goals and the fact that we've spent more than a year considerably lowering our standard of living that make me feel "in the desert."

And yet, when you look at so many families not only in third world countries, but even here in our own nation, we're "rich". I never have to worry that my kids are going to go hungry. We have AC and electricity. Occasionally we go out to eat. If there were ever an emergency I'd be able to take them to the doctor without worrying that there's no way to pay the guy. We have every single one of our immediate needs (and some of our wants) met.

Sure we could continue to live here and be "happy". We could continue renting, save a little here and there, buy a better car, purchase some nicer clothes or a fancier phone, maybe one day get into a house... but we have other dreams. Other priorities. And living in the desert is most often where we hear the Voice of God. Sure it's hard. But when you look at a life of "ho-hum" and a life that's WORTH living, isn't it worth the hardships and trials?

I've been rolling this through my brain a lot lately. It keeps me focused when I begin to add up all the things we don't have and how long it's going to take us to see our dreams become reality (like... forever). And it reminds me daily of one thing. We can't do it alone. We need His blessing, His guidance, His timing, and His peace to see us through. Without it, I'd go crazy again. Without it, we'll never have the practical and physical things we need to get it all done. Without it, we'll never reach the other end alive, in-tact, and still joyful.

The Desert are where dreams are made. The Promised land is where they bear fruit.

New Seasons: The Dream

2011-07-22T16:38:00.000-07:00

So the birth of my son has brought a lot more than a season of sleep deprivation.

Mere weeks after our little Critter Bug was born, my husband and I made the decision that it was finally time for him to leave his job of 5 years. The midwife was paid off, and other than a single credit card we're still working on paying down (and some medical insurance that's not collecting any interest) we were never going to be in a better financial position to make the career change. Despite being so soon postpartum, we really felt like we need to make the change for a number of reasons.

1) He'd been working the job for 5 years, seen up to a QUADRUPLE increase in work load, but never a single cent increase in pay. No bonuses, no commission (although they strung us along for 2 years with promises of commission), and no room for growth... ever.
2) No benefits. While this has never effected us much as we are all really healthy, at least having the OPTION for emergency insurance would be nice.
3) No job security. Ok... so he was the ONLY guy in over a 100 mile radius that does this job... but he's also "expendable" if the economy goes south enough. His boss who initially hired him (who had been working for the company for 15 years and had grown the business from a tiny little thing in Dallas, out all the way to Arkansas and Louisianna) was fired. If boss's job isn't secure, neither is ours.

My husband has been working in close proximity to the local grocery stores since he started this job and he knew what a good place they would be for him to work. He already had a general knowledge of how the stores operate, and knew he could rise quickly through the ranks.

So we made the switch. We took a 40% pay cut, but we did it.

Watching what that did to our budget made me realize I needed to to some more to bring in some more income. We projected that it would be less than a year before he more than replaced what he was making... but I'm already in the throws of baby fever again and if we EVER want to start seeing some of our dreams come true (let alone have any more kids) we really needed to do somethings different.

So I began studying to be an independent childbirth educator. I'm LOVING it and have already given my first class and have another line up soon! The more I study, the more I think I could do this for the rest of my life. Currently I can do enough work to bring in some extra income without having to be away from home more than 2 days a week.

The Dream

Over the past year or so our eyes have been opened to the idea of completely self sufficient living, and we are beginning to feel that that lifestyle is the one we'd like to lead. Not only will it hopefully give us the independence we need to be able to raise all the 5 kids we'd like to have, but having that kind of minimal dependence on money would open our finances to all sorts of new ministry opportunities. I can't tell you how many times I've gotten to know a missionary and wished that I were able to support them in their work financially.

Ultimately, the dream is this...

Buy a large spread of land where we can "settle down" and have plenty of "elbow room".
Start a business/ministry revolving around the easy and cheap growth of organic foods (more on that to come)
Build a self-sufficient home to further cut down on our living expenses (not to mention our mark on the environment)
Have the financial freedom to allow both of us to be at home to raise our own soccer team...

My plan is to begin using this blog to detail our journey and all the little things the Lord teaches me along the way.

New Seasons

2011-07-20T15:49:00.000-07:00

Life seems to always be about new seasons. If I sit down and am honest with myself, I really could do without that most of the time. Even when I look at the weather the only time I'm overly excited about changing seasons is when the weather starts to warm up again in the spring. In general I could sit in summer all year round and be happy.

But this new life season is going to bring about some good changes I think. I've been struggling a lot. And I've been learning a lot. And I feel a shift coming.

I re-vamped my blog here because I intend to begin spending more time talking about the changes that are coming, both in my physical life and in my spiritual life. I hope it will be exciting!

Letting it all out....

2011-06-01T13:51:00.000-07:00

I need a moment... A moment to cry, a moment to vent, a moment to just let it all out. And seeing as how I've been gone from here for nearly as long as it takes to have a baby (Oh wait... I did have a baby!), I don't expect anyone to actually read this... which is fine with me. I'm not looking for anything from anyone.

Wow.. I had a baby! And I'm loving every minute of it! :) Eric is the absolute light of my life right now. I could smooch him and eat him up all day long.

Caleb finally got another job. We'll be getting out from under his old job (those S.O.B.s... I can't wait for him to be through with them). It's about time and our family needed him to be working doing something else - something with some benefits and opportunity to grow.

But it took getting a 40% pay cut to accomplish it.

40% PEOPLE!!!

I think I mentioned that we moved to our wonderful little house to cut down on spending in the first place. Med bills from last year and the desire to have a baby debt free caused us to go hunting up a new place. The Lord provided where we are now and I've been so grateful!

And as minimalistic as we'd been living in order to be able to have a baby debt free, we're living on EVEN LESS now! Don't ask me how people... some days I'm not even sure where I manage to find wiggle room.

I make all our bread...
I make our laundry detergent...
I don't buy a lot of meat....
I only drive to church and to Wal-Mart (and every couple weeks I'll go out w/ a friend)...
We're raising chickens so we can stop buying eggs and eventually have our own home grown meat...

Do you realize I'm basically taking care of a family of 4, 2 cats, and 2 large dogs on <$21,000/year?
I'm not tooting my own horn. I'm just tired. I guess I want SOMEONE to understand what it is I'm dealing with.

Cause the honest truth is, it's finally getting hard.
"What? You mean to say that moving to a smaller house, baking all your bread, and never going on dates with your hubby wasn't hard?"

Oh no, trust me.. it was. It's just that within the past few weeks it's gotten even more so. Probably because I'm home alone with two small children. Probably because I hardly ever get to leave the house. Probably because I'm at my wit's end as to what to do about my dogs.

Remember how I was so excited to have moved into a house with such a large backyard for my dogs? Well, apparently they weren't as excited as I was. They started arguing... then they started fighting. And it used to be I could go out and make them stop, but now they won't listen to me. And it's not all the time, but it's enough that I know something needs to change.

Today, all teary eyed, I took Ziva down to the local shelter. The guy there was honest with me... large dogs don't get adopted... ones with a tendency to bark and who have medical conditions get adopted even less... and to that extent they wouldn't take her. He offered a list of other shelters that might - ones that deal more with large dogs. He mentioned putting an ad on craigslist. But I've done the craigslist thing more than once. And I can't afford the gas to drive all over the state to try and find a shelter that will take care of my dog(s). So I had to bring her home again. And pray that I can figure out what to do.

Anyone know if that dog whisperer guy makes house calls to Texas?

I'm just at my wits end. With life in general. And right now I'm not really seeing any white lights at the end of the tunnel. Just being honest.

I've run myself in circles of all the things I have to do.

Gotta finish my certification so I can teach and start bringing in more cash for our family...
Gotta finish the chicken coop before the girls start laying... otherwise it'll be an egg hunt anytime I want breakfast...
Gotta do something about the dogs before we move the chickens into the new coop.. otherwise I won't have any chickens...
Gotta take care of the kids...
Gotta take care of the house...
Gotta take care of the hubby...
Gotta take care of the finances...
Pray the car doesn't break...
Pray we don't get swept up in a tornado...
Gotta get out of the house and take care of me...
Can't afford to get out of the house to take care of me...
Can't walk the neighborhood... narrow streets and no sidewalks for the kids to walk on...
Can't leave the kids in the house to walk by myself...
Could hire a babysitter - but have to start teaching to bring in my cash for the family first...
*repeat from beginning...

Ok. Venting over. Thanks for listening.

Moving Day I

2010-09-27T09:40:00.000-07:00

Wow. Moving has fried my brain. You were about to get a recap on the same moving post from a few days ago. :P

On to new things!

Zach has been ABSOLUTELY LOVING our backyard. We've officially slept at our new house two nights now, and every morning he wakes up and asks to go play outside with the dogs. I just love it! Our old house had a backyard, but there were no windows for me to be able to look out and watch him back there. Now I do, so he's been spending nearly all his time out there.

It's been interesting to see how the dogs are reacting to all the extra play time and to having to share their yard with the boy. Ziva has begun following Zach EVERYWHERE while he's outside. She nips at him, runs around his feet, and rolls over for him to pet her tummy.

Tirzah on the other hand is staying mostly to herself. She'd much rather patrol the long grass around the fence to see if she can find anything to chase.

Saturday we had a bunch of friends show up to help us move most of our furniture. Here the boys are getting ready to move in my piano! I'm very glad that I spent all week slowly moving and unpacking various items. Although there's still quite a bit of work to do, but not nearly as much as there could have been!

Slowly, but surely, things began to come together...

Getting my kitchen set up really made me excited!

We actually re-arranged the living room on Sunday when more friends came to finish moving things. But here's the "origional" view. See how it looks nearly completely moved in and settled? Trust me, it doesn't look like that now. Sunday's helpers were in charge of gathering the last little tidbits in the old house, boxing them up, and bringing them over. It's gonna take a couple days to finish organizing so many little trivial things.

View from the living room into the kitchen. I just LOVE how open everything is.

Our bedroom is actually to the right of this hallway, just out of the picture shot. But it wasn't really put together when I took the pic, so I'll post one of it when the house is all done being moved into. Same with the bathroom.

Zach's room. We gave him the bigger room, so he's got our dresser and clothes in there. See the one white drawer? Three years ago when we first got the dresser I thought I'd repaint it white. Our bedroom at the time was DARK blue and I thought it would lighten the room a bit.

Can you tell how badly I wanted to get it done? :P

Second view of Zach's room. He loves his new room! We've not had any problems with sleep, which is such a blessing.

THis is the crazy mess that's left in the old place. I was gonna come over today to use the interwebz and clean, but then I realized how much my work was cut out for me. I'm too hungry to stick around and do it, so I'll wait until Caleb gets off work and make him come help me. I'd much rather make lunch and hang curtains in my new house than work on this right now... :P

As soon as I finish organizing, hanging curtains, and decorating, I'll post pics of the finished product and hopefully a video tour!

Thanks to everyone who came to help us move! We couldn't have done it without you!!!

Insanity...

2010-09-24T09:11:00.000-07:00

As if stealing your beautiful slender body and ability to eat whatever you wanted wasn't enough....

Pregnancy also has to steal every last ounce of sanity you possess.

It's true my friends. And while I wouldn't give up the joys of being pregnant and housing life within my tummy for anything in the world, I do occasionally, wish it didn't come with such a hefty price tag!

As of this morning there has been...

Throwing up,

Breakfast,

Zachy driving me crazy,

My hubby not getting home from work when I needed him to,

Zachy driving me crazy,

More of that unorganized feeling,

Not enough packing done,

Zachy driving me crazy,

Dogs driving my crazy,

Zach pooping his pants... and driving me crazy.

I feel like I belong in a loony bin!

Where's my coffee???

Honestly, I'm having to laugh at myself just a bit as I read this note. Please don't feel like I'm griping... imagine me saying all this with just a hint of laughter as I realize that even though I FEEL like I'm going completely nuts, it really isn't all that bad.

Today I'll be working on getting some more things moved, LOTS of major cleaning - and doing my best to remain patient not only with my offspring, but with my husband and my pooches as well. Being pregnant makes my fuse about the length of a toothpick. It's definitely something I have control over, it's just a matter of REMEMBERING to take control of it before I blow up over silly little things.

On a side note:

I feel like I need to present a clean house to people coming over to help pack up tomorrow. Is that a silly thing to worry about? Should I leave the massive amounts of dust bunnies and grimy counter tops to be taken care of when the house is empty? Will anyone but me look at them and think they reflect the kind of housekeeper I am? These are questions I must puzzle my way through today. Hopefully I'll come out the other side a little more sane than when I left....

Moving Makes Me Tired

2010-09-23T11:59:00.000-07:00

Moving makes me tired.

Or perhaps it's merely pregnancy making me tired.

Either way... I'm tired.

I seem hell-bent on getting nearly everything in our current house moved to the new place and unpacked before this weekend. The weekend is when we're supposed to have friends come over to help move the heavy stuff - furniture mostly. And I'm not overly sure that we're gonna have a massive ton of people show up, which means the more boxes I take over there this week, the less likely I am to have to keep moving boxes of stuff over there next week.

Get my drift?

Anyway...

I'm not really the most organized person ever. I'm really working on fixing this (and honestly, I'm doing MUCH better at it than a few years ago), but I feel like it's really showing right now while I try to pack. I just have no idea WHERE TO START! I keep walking through my house in endless circles trying to think of what I can pack (I think I've walked a total of 3 miles inside my house today). This isn't made any easier by the fact that we're still 3 days away from the ACTUAL move-in date, so there are things I can't pack because we'll need them between now and then.

I think this whole thing might be easier if I could just start at one end of the house, pack boxes and label them, and then continue 'till I get to the other end of the house.

Does that work anywhere other than in theory? Someone with more moving experience than I have please let me know.

I THINK I've got most of what CAN be moved packed up. I think... We've got the whole weekend set aside for people to come help move the last of it, so hopefully all the rest of what's here will make it on one fell swoop.

But I've got to get over to the new house and do a bit of cleaning before then.

Heck, I really should be doing some cleaning around here too.

But I've been living with bachelors for the past 3 years... bachelors who really don't seem to care overly much what kind of filth they live in. I'm a little tired of being gracious and keep wondering if they'd even notice if I left dust bunnies and scattered kitty litter all over the floor. It's quite the internal battle actually. Do I do what is in my character (and what I suspect is the "right") thing and deep clean the house once we're out? Or do I do what I WANT to do and say, "Bachelors don't care, so I don't either"?

It's a dilemma I don't think I'll be solving today.

Moving Day Number One

2010-09-21T15:53:00.000-07:00

Well, today marks the official beginning of moving to our new house!

I had intended to do just "a little bit" every day.

You know, a few boxes today, a few tomorrow...

And hopefully we'd get a good 50% or more of our stuff moved before the weekend when people are coming to help move mostly the big stuff.

But apparently even a "little bit" of stuff is ALOT of work! Haha!

But SOOOO worth it!

We packed up our bookshelves and all the books. I tried to concentrate on boxing things up that we weren't going to need. Books were top of that list.

My knight in shining glasses did most of the moving. I just threw stuff in boxes.

We used his work truck to do the moving. 99% of the boxes in there are filled with spices. Like I said, we didn't move a ton of stuff today.

Our poor puppies were so confused. "What on earth are you doing?!"

You should have seen how excited they were when I told them the could go get in the car.

I'll be taking them to the new house with us every day so they start getting used to being there and don't freak out the first night we stay there.

My kitchen!!!

My built in hutches/bar space!!

My living room! (Ok, so this is kinda boring)

The small bedroom. And probably where we'll be putting our bed. I'll explain more in a later post.

Bathroom. I took a picture of the tub, but then decided against posting it... the thing needs some fairly serious cleaning.

I somehow neglected to take a picture of the second bedroom. Oops. I'll take one tomorrow.

Our screened back patio and killer big backyard!

Zach made himself RIGHT at home in that backyard. He was thrilled to get to play in the dirt and with the sticks!

I was thrilled to have a place to get him out of my hair and know he's safe.

See? Right at home :D

When he came inside to eat lunch, the kid was COVERED from head to foot in dirt.

He looked like a true boy.

He had to have a rinse off in the bathtub before he could eat.

It truly made my heart happy!

So, we started unpacking!

My grandmother's spice rack. This makes my heart happy.

My dishes that I bought years ago and have been saving SPECIFICALLY for when we had our own place.

They make my heart happy!

My new Rooster bookends to hold my cookbooks.

For YEARS I've been wanting to decorate my kitchen in chickens and roosters!

Set up the toaster, the coffee maker, and the microwave.

Oh, and see that on the right there?

That's my GAS STOVE PEOPLE!
WOOOOT!!!! :D

I started to fill my hutch.

I put all my Christmas decorations in the cabinets underneath it.

Ok, I just have to state two things for the record.

1). I would never have bought these chicken dishes for myself. Ever.

2). You will never understand just exactly how happy they make me!

You see, like I said earlier, I've been wanting to decorate my kitchen with chickens. I've desired this for many years.

Two years ago, my twin and I finally got to go through all the things that were leftover from when my grandmother passed away when we were small children.

These dishes were among the items that had been saved but not claimed by other family members.

I could have died when I saw them. I cried.

Not only do I now have chickens in my kitchen, but I have a little piece of my grandmother. And it makes me so happy to know that I"ll be able to see them every day!

Here we set up our bookshelves. The TV will go in between.

I put my violets in the kitchen window. Along w/ more roosters from Grandma.

Total random side note: Meet my new neighbors! :D

We still have a BUTT LOAD of stuff to move, but we've gotten started. And I'm sure thrilled to know that doing this work before hand will make the rest of the move easier.

And then we'll be in a place all our own.

*and now I need a nap*

One Step at a Time

2010-09-09T16:48:00.000-07:00

This evening, I've had quite a bit on my mind.

I tend to be a very analytical person. I'll look at every little detail down to the microscopic level, check every avenue and possible circumstance to ensure that I'm as prepared as I can be for whatever the possible outcome.

Confused yet? Yeah, me too.

Anyway, today I've been working on the logistics needed to make this move - finances, packing, moving, organizing... I'm SO excited to be moving to this new house! It's really everything I could have hoped for right now! Close to town, in the price range, small but roomy, and with THE WORLD'S BIGGEST KITCHEN!! Ok, so really the kitchen isn't as large as Pioneer Woman's. But considering it's about twice the size of our current kitchen, I'm SO VERY VERY HAPPY!

*** EDIT***

I just realized I haven't blogged about this new development in our circumstances. Let me enlighten you for a moment.

Here it is. What we've finally decided on for our new home sweet home. It popped up on craigslist just the other day. I made my Handsome Hubby call on it the instant he got home from work that morning. We got a call back that afternoon. It's a good thing we jumped on it so quickly. In just a few hours, the owner had more than five calls about the place. Since we were the first, he called us back and let us look at it first. To think we might have lost it if we'd been just a few minutes later! God is so good to us!

It's two bedrooms, one bath. There's a carport there on the side, and lots of land. It's only about 15 minutes from where we currently live, and in an area that's much more rural (something we really LOVE). A bit older, but in great shape, and the landlord is about to replace the carpeting (which is only a couple years old, but a little stained).

Now check out this kitchen! This kitchen, my friends, takes up nearly 1/4 of the house! It's got twice the counter space, and three times the cabinet space of where we currently live. AND IT HAS A GAS STOVE!!!! A GAS STOVE PEOPLE!!! I'M SO THRILLED I COULD DO CARTWHEELS!!!!

The screened back patio is a nice touch. The fenced yard for the dogs is actually bigger than the one they are occupying now. You can't see it, but there's a tire swing in one of those trees. I'm going to put a clothes line out here to help save money on electricity from the dryer.

*********

So back to my origional blogging....

There's so much to do/ think about before we can get moved. We're hoping to be moving within the next couple of weeks. But we have to figure out which gas/electric companies to use, and how to get them turned on. Not such a big deal, except that right now, we'd have to create the money for deposits needed out of thin air.

We HAVE to make this move. If we don't, we'll soon be completely bankrupt living where we live now. But we don't currently have the means to move. See the cycle I'm in?

Once I figured out what it was going to take to be able to move, I began to make myself slow down and take it one step at a time.

Prayer for deliverance? Absolutely

Cut backs to be made in our spending? Few... but noted.

Etsy site advertised? Right now I can only do it via free avenues, but again... done.

Buttons ordered so I can have some ready-to-ship items in my store? Check

Organizing another garage sale to try and come up with the extra? On the To-do list.

I'm not really afraid of anything. I just feel a bit trapped.

But one step at a time. One day at a time. One breath at a time.

I know that the Lord is going to work it out.

Slowly

Creating

2010-09-08T17:04:00.000-07:00

If there's one thing I've learned about myself within the past year or so, it's that I love to create.

And really, it's not that I didn't know that before. I think it's more of an understanding of just how deep down that goes into the core of my being.

And I'm learning that there are things I love to create, and things I'm not so good at creating.

Knitting - Love

Sewing - Getting better

Cooking - Love

Creative Writing - Love, but I need to do more of it

Painting - eh... not so talented.

Drawing - Yeah, not so much there either. Although, one day I'll dig out all my butterfly drawings and show them to you all.

Anyway, I bring up the subject of creating for a number of reasons.

#1. I saw the most hysterical button on Facebook not long ago. I just discovered they make T-shirts with this on it. If anyone out there wants to send me one, I will wear it DAILY! LOL

Back on track.

#2. I've been doing a lot of pattern creating with my knitting. For years I've followed patterns downloaded off the internet and copied out of books/magazines. But I'm beginning to understand the workings of knitting well enough to design my own things. It's been so much fun. It's been mind stretching. And it's been VERY rewarding to know that I've come up with something completely origional.

#3. Enter tonight's dinner...

What you are looking at is something I litterally threw together one day when I had too much chicken. I had bought a package of chicken, made dinner, and still had chicken left over. I whipped up two Green Chilie Chicken Casseroles to put in the freezer, and I STILL had chicken left over. Two pieces to be exact.

I couldn't make ANOTHER GCCC... that would just be silly. We'd be eating it until Kingdom Come.

So I went and took a look in my pantry.

I grabbed a can of tomatoes.

I grabbed a can of navy beans.

Both were leftover from another dinner. I had bought too many cans.

Ok... chicken, beans, tomatoes.....

So I grabbed my dish of Garlic Bread seasoning (more on that in a minute). The tomatoes made me think "Italian" so, hey... it seemed like a good seasoning to use.

But it sounded boring to use all by it's self, so I threw in some terragon.

After writing down what I'd put in it on the foil, I threw it in the freezer. And promptly began to ignore it. Honestly, it DID NOT sound good to me, even as I made it. But I figured, hey, I've got three hungry males to feed around here (four if the landlord is home). Surely someone will eat it.

So anyway, fast forward about a month and a half, and I've decided it's finally time to whip out the tomato chicken thing and cook it. I also made up a batch of roasted cauliflower (yum!).

And the verdict?

Well, I added cream, and a touch of kosher salt to it when it came out of the oven. We ate it over whole wheat pasta and topped with parmesean.

And it was a hit! The "Oohs" and and "Aahhs" and "Wows" and "Yums" and belches I heard coming from the men around here was rather pleasing if I do say so myself. It's not that the meal in and of it's self was so overly astounding (although I am assured it could make a second appearance and be just as satisfying), I think it was more the thought that I'd just thrown it together out of nothing.

And it makes my heart happy to know that.

So here's the "recipe". I wish I had pictures of the process... but honestly, who needs pics of opening cans and dumping in stuff?

Ok, put your chicken in a oven safe dish.

Top with one can (not drained) of diced tomatoes

Top with a can (not drained) of navy beans

Add terragon

Add Garlic a little of your bread seasoning (NOT all of it!).

( 1tsp kosher salt, 1tbs garlic powder, 1tsp oregano, 1tsp basil, 1tsp marjoram, 1tsp parsley)

Either throw it in the oven or let it simmer on the stove until the chicken is cooked and the broth has cooked down a bit. Add in some cream and extra salt/pepper of needed.

Could it be any more simple?

What Happens When You Skip Church

2010-09-06T14:25:00.000-07:00

So yesterday, we ended up not going to church.

We were tired, I was sick, and I just felt like we needed some time as a family.

So we spent the mid morning having a family breakfast, and then reading through the Bible and listening to a sermon online.

And then we were done. What to do?

That's when we heard it.

A skittering noise coming from the kitchen/back door area.

We'd heard it the night before, and at first I thought someone was in our mud room trying to steal stuff. But when we checked no one was there.

So my next thought was... RODENT! And hearing the noises again yesterday morning just confirmed my fears.

But we couldn't FIND it! Every time we went in the kitchen it must have heard us coming. It would get quiet.

But finally, my husband found it.

See that pipe? That's the vent shaft for the fan above the stove. I must have heard said animal fall into it because a couple days ago, I thought something fell over in the tea rack there. The noise quite startled me, but I never figured out what it was that tried to fall.

Anyway, it quickly became apparent that whatever was in there was STUCK. So we decide to get up on the roof to see if we could open the top of the vent to let it out.

My knight preparing to conquer the roof.

At first we thought climbing the trellis would work. But no go. The overhang was a little too much and my hubby just didn't feel quite up to that much climbing.

Aha! Backyard... Fence... Success.

Once on the roof we came across a serious dilemma. This is THE ONLY open shaft on the kitchen side of the roof. But this particular one is over the kitchen sink and no where near close enough to the stove to be the one we need.

Uhh... so how did it get in?

My brave knight took to the attic.

Let's just say I'm super glad it was him instead of me.

And after much crawling around up there, he figured out two things.

1) The creature trapped in our kitchen was a RAT!!

2) The vent shaft for the stove opens into the attic and has no covering on it at all.

I'd like to know just one thing...

WHO'S BRIGHT IDEA WAS THAT ANYWAY?

The longer we live in this house, the more apparent it becomes that the contractor/construction workers were lazy.

Just sayin'....

Getting the rat out of the shaft was going to be next to impossible. We would need a net, and a box, and something to protect my Handsome Husband from getting bit. Then he'd have to climb all the way back through the attic w/ the thing.

So we decided to try and get at it from underneath.

Here's my hubby dismantling the fan motor.

Just above the fan motor was this vent flap. That's where the intruder is hiding. Just on top of that. Grr... Here we come Mr. Rat Guy!

Armed with two of my cooking spoons (which I now will be replacing), dish gloves topped with working gloves, and a box to catch the critter, my hubby begins opening the vent and poking and prodding to get the guy out.

Tirzah and Alan were a big help.

Here's the video of the epic catch! If you get bored watching all the pre-lim stuff, skip ahead to about 2:30. That's when things start getting a little more exciting.

Ugh! He's so gross!!! And he had the longest tail I've ever seen on a rat.

One word.

BLECH!!!!

We gave him a new home in our dumpster. If we lived anywhere close to the country, I might have let him go. I hate to think about hurting any of God's creatures that I don't have to. But we don't live in the country. At all. And obviously, I don't want him back in MY house... but I'd hate to be responsible for this disease carrying vermin taking up residence in SOMEONE ELSE'S house.

So our garbage can was the most humane thing I could think of. He'll have plenty to eat there before he gets re-located to his new home at the dump - where he will have even more food than he could ever have dreamed of. And probably lots of friends.

*Note. My son just came up behind me while I was writing this, saw the above picture, and said,

"Ooh! He's so cute!"
"No, baby, he's ew-y."

"Oh, he's so EEEEWWWYYY CUTE! EW-Y CUTE MOUSE!"

Oh dear... he cracks me up.*

Fall is Coming: Bikes and Cookies

2010-09-04T12:08:00.000-07:00

It's official - Fall is coming!

And I know this because it was less than 80 degrees at my house this morning. The breeze is cool, the air smells nice. It reminds me that although I love Texas, and I LOVE the heat, fall tends to be really nice as well. Cool in the mornings, cool in the evenings, and still toasty during the daytime. It's going to be a nice season this year.

Since it wasn't blistering hot and humid enough to swim down the street, we took Zachy outside to work on his bike riding skills. He's FINALLY tall enough to really be able to peddle it properly. We're still working on the coordination to KEEP it moving (and to stop it), but he's been having a blast!

Something that always reminds me of fall are cookies. I'm not really sure why. Somehow the thought of nice crisp breezes, falling leaves, and pumpkins at the store also make me think of baking. So today I'm going to share with you my SUPER SECRET recipe for the Perfect Chocolate Chip Cookie!!

I have to admit, I really debated with myself as to whether or not I was going to post this recipe. But in the end, I just couldn't hold out on you guys. And hey, the thought of strangers out there feeding my cookies to friends and saying "I got it off this blog! Aren't they amazing?!" just really pumps me up. Like, getting an award at school, only I'll never know if you strangers are actually sharing my cookies and giving me the credit at all. It's all in my head, but that's where I'm happiest! :) Haha.

Ok... so, here's the deal....

FIRST AND FOREMOST - You will need a toddler for this recipe. All good baking recipes REQUIRE a toddler's help. That's just a fact my friends. Here's the one I'll be using. His name is Zachy, and no.. I didn't pick him up in the kitchen section of K-Mart. He came custom made ;)

Start with butter. Don't be scared by the amount you see here. I was making a double batch to freeze so I'd have cookie dough on hand. Handy, huh?

Throw 12 TB of butter (1 1/2 sticks) in the microwave to melt. Stir them around to melt completely, then set aside to cool.

While your butter is cooling, in a separate bowl....

Combine 2C + 2TB Flour

1/2 tsp Baking Soda

1/2 tsp Salt (I've foun Kosher salt is AMAZING for this. Just trust me)

Now... set the dry stuff aside...

Let the toddler keep an eye on it for you....

And go back to your butter.

Cream together your butter

1 C brown sugar

1/2 C white sugar.

I did it the good ol' fashioned way and used a whisk. It really doesn't take too much work at all, but I still envy you who have nice kitchen mixers :)

Add in 1 egg + 1 yolk.

Mix it all together.

And oh yeah.... add 2 tsp vanilla.

Now, let your toddler add the dry stuff a little at a time. Keep adding and mixing until it's all combined.

And now... for the secret.

Are you ready? This is what is going to set your cookies apart from every cookie out there.

I used to use a full 12oz package (about 2C) of chocolate chips in my cookies. Then one day, I got creative.

I mixed 2/3C each of the following.

Dark Chocolate Chips

Semi-Sweet Chocolate Chips

Milk Chocolate Chips.

The verdict? I'll let you decide in a minute!

Oh yum.

Now, here's a fun little trick for scooping out cookies.

Fill a 1/4 measuring cup barely to the top with dough. Take the dough out, then pull it in half. Viola! Two perfect cookies! Put the separated part (where the two halves just came apart) facing up. This will make pretty "cookie cracks" in your cookies. Place them on an un-greased cookie or baking sheet.

You are going to bake these for about 10-13 min in a 325 degree oven. Check them to make sure the edges are turning golden, but not too brown. Remove the cookies from the oven and let cool on the cookie sheet (if you can keep from eating them first!). This will help the centers finish baking.

Oh dear. Look at how gooey and soft that cookie is! You can't even being to imagination how great it tastes!

Another option (instead of baking) is to place your cookies on a tray, then place the tray in the freezer. When the balls are frozen, place them in a freezer bag and save them for a special occasion. It's so nice to be able to throw some cookie dough straight into the oven when guests are over (or when you just HAVE to have a cookie). Being able to cook them a few at a time also keeps me from eating the whole dang batch in 2-3 days. NO ONE ever needs that much jiggle in their wiggle!

Prayer and Decisions

2010-09-01T17:03:00.000-07:00

Last Sunday, our home group took time to discuss the things that we are each going through, and to pray for each other.

One thing that kept popping up for nearly each person, is how overwhelmed we all feel. We all know that we serve a Great God who can and will come to our aid when we call on Him. But it can be so hard to even know how to pray when it seems like life is pelting you with every curve ball it's got.

And someone said something that really hit me.

Take what you CAN do, and focus on that.

Because really, what do you accomplish by worrying about it? I can sit and worry about all the things that have been on my mind recently, but in the end, I've only wasted valuable time.

And in that moment, I knew that the one thing I needed to focus on, was finding a new place for us to live. So that's what I've been doing. Looking through the classifieds daily for any new potentials, and also scouting out the ones that we've decided we're interested in. In the past two days, we've looked (or, at least, gone looking FOR) three different places. One, we couldn't find. One, we ruled out pretty much right away. It's just too far away and really at the top end of our budget, which means we wouldn't really be saving any money. We'll keep it on the back burner, because the owners were so ready to get someone living in it that they were willing to negotiate the pricing.

The place we looked at today, seems much more promising.

It's close enough to our price that we would be saving the money we hope to be saving.

It's much closer to town, but still nice an secluded (which we really like).

The area seems fairly nice. Very rural. Lots of ranches in the area. Nice people (we talked to a few people trying to find the place).

There's plenty of space for Zach to play.

There's plenty of space for the dogs.

There's still so much to consider on it.

It's a fixer-upper. Like, a serious one. Hence the low price. It seems that the owners don't live close enough to be able to do the work on it that they'd like to, so they are looking for someone who could live there and get the work done. If they are actually willing to do all that needs to be done to it, it could turn out very well for us. Especially since it seems they might be willing to forgo rent while it's being worked on (and then the rent would be cheap to continue living in it). At this point, we just have to figure out what their plans and goals are for the house. Fix the cosmetics so it LOOKS liveable, or fix EVERYTHING so that it's ACTUALLY liveable.

At the very least, it looks like it might be a great way to save some cash for even just a few months. We could continue to look for another place if we decided that this particular one didn't suit us. Free rent while house hunting? I'll live just about ANYWHERE for that kind of financial relief!! :) LOL.

And in the meantime, as we get this lined out, other things will slowly begin to settle into place.

Once we've got a new place to live, we'll know if Caleb can take on a second job, or even find a new one.

I've finished work on the first of my diaper covers, so I should be able to get them posted on Etsy soon, and from there, hopefully start generating some business.

Slowly, surely, things will settle into place. I just have to keep moving forward.

*Oh yeah, I finally found my camera - New pictures and a recipe coming soon!*

New Beginnings

2010-08-27T16:43:00.000-07:00

I just feel like it's time for a new beginning. Ever feel that way? As if, you could do ANYTHING once that one things happens? That big move, the new school year, the end of that big project, New Years, whatever...

I quite often find myself feeling like I could be more motivated if "x" factor would change.

Right now, that "x" factor is our pending move. The one that was supposed to happen early this summer. The one that still hasn't happened. The one that feels like it's NEVER going to happen.

I just know that I've GOT to get out of this house. It's been wonderful. I love our roommates, it's been so nice to live in an actual house since it feels more like a home than an apartment, and the area has been great. But I'm tired. I'm tired of not having a place of our own - a place where I'M the momma hen, hands down and without questions. I need the freedom to be picky about cleanliness, talk through movies if I want to, and walk around the house in my underwear late at night. I need the freedom to bump the AC temp up to 80, not only because it saves money, but because I freeze at anything below 75.

And not to mention that we've GOT to start saving some more money. I wish that wasn't a running theme of what's going through my head on a continual basis. I dream at night of living on an isolated ranch where I grow all my own food, make my own clothes, and never have to worry about money again. Ugh.

Anyway, back on track.

Despite NOT being in a place of our own yet, I feel like I've got a fresh start and a fresh motivation to get some stuff done. I just spent the last couple of days visiting my older sister - and of course, we talked about EVERYTHING. Talking it through, getting it all out, bouncing ideas off her really helped put some things into focus for me. First will be finding a place to move to (and dear Jesus, PLEASE let us be able to find something SOOOOOON!!!). We're going to call up a few places we've found on craigslist and hope that something works.

But beyond that, I'm feeling motivated again to work on things for my etsy shop. First among them is going to be finishing the shawl I'm designing so I can post it in my shop. But after that, I'm going to start working on designing some diaper covers. I'll be making some plain ones for a friend that will be more "generic", but I've got an idea for a pattern that I think (HOPE) will be attractive and really sell well. But it's going to involve the trial and error needed to come up with a workable pattern. I think I can do it! :)

So many other things need to be worked into the mix, but I'm confidant that if I can just keep focused on the few "projects" I feel motivated to do, the rest will begin to fall into line eventually.

*Lord, I love you. Please help me stay focused. Help me not to lose perspective. Help me not to lose vision. Help me not to lose faith. And above all, help me to keep my eyes on you.*

Amen.

Another One of These...

2010-08-25T16:41:00.000-07:00

Ok, so before you read my post, you need to go back to my original blog and watch this video... at least three or four times.

It's my favorite video of Zach. Period. It will probably be my favorite video for all time. I'll be showing it to future girlfriends and gushing about how cute of a baby he was.

Today I've been doing laundry all day. And in between loads, I've been making up a batch of cinnamon swirl bread. The whole baking thing took me back to my "nesting" days with Zachy. Most women clean like freaks while they are nesting. Oh no... not me. I baked. I made all our bread from scratch, I made cookies, I baked treats for our home group, I baked treats for my friends, I baked things for me. I just HAD to feed EVERYONE! LOL

I've been reflecting quite a bit recently on my little bun in the oven. I can't wait to see her (I have a feeling it's a girl...), to touch her, to sniff her lovely head and feed her. To watch her grow up. I'm so excited about having another child to love that I really wish I could give birth RIGHT NOW! LOL

I watch Zach run around. I listen to him talk, explore, giggle, and cry. I re-watch the videos of him growing up. And I just can't help myself. I need another one of these!

Fear. Or Something Like It.

2010-08-24T17:08:00.000-07:00

Can I share something with you for a moment?

Cause really, I just need to vent.

And I need to be honest with myself.

There are so many things I've been afraid of recently. Really, afraid isn't quite the right word for it. But I think about them. I worry over them. I go over lists, and scenarios, and figures in my head over an over trying to find a way to "fix" it all.

And it all revolves around that MS scare I had only a few short months ago.

Right now, it's taking the form of finances. We still owe truckloads of money to the hospital and the Dr. I keep praying that most of it will be taken care of (we STILL haven't heard back from the people at the community fund). But even if it is, that leaves us with enough on our shoulders to keep us busy for probably close on a year.

Then there's the midwife. And the chiropractor. If I'd like to keep seeing either of them (let alone BOTH), we're gonna have to do something quick.

Not to mention our car is slowly dying. And there won't be much room in it once we have to throw a second car seat in it.

You see, we had planned on moving to a small apartment over the summer. We would be saving anywhere between $200-$400 a month. But time has gone on and on and the apartment is STILL not done. And when we went to look at it last (thinking it was done, which it wasn't) I found out there will basically be no kitchen in it. And no door between the living room and bedroom.

And no door between the bedroom and the bathroom.

And we were going to have to give away my puppy.

So we've decided that it's just not going to work for our family.

I couldn't bear the thought of giving away my precious pup to a stranger who might not take care of her.

I couldn't bear the thought of having to do my dishes in the bathroom sink (or shower for that matter).

I couldn't stand the thought of how stressful it was going to be having to truck through my sleeping son's room every time I needed to get up in the middle of the night to relieve my pregnant bladder.

But in the meantime, we have nowhere else to go. Oh sure, we can (and are going to, for the time being) stay where we are. But the bills are piling up.

And up.

And we have yet to find another place to go where we'll still be saving money.

Which makes me think, "Dang it, TJ... get up off your bum and get that etsy site rolling!!!"

I mean, I have it up. But nothing has sold.

Not a thing.

And granted, it's only stitch markers - and let's face it, there's just not a huge demand for things like that.

But baby stuff? People are ALWAYS buying baby stuff.

I have some hopes as far as some custom made things some friends have asked me for.

A dancer friend asked for a custom made dance bag. It's half finished.

Another friend asked for some knitted diaper covers. I've got a pattern lined out, but haven't gotten started on them yet.

And why not? You could consider these my "first" customers. I'd be able to show some actual sales on my etsy site. So why not get them going?

Fear.

That same fear/not fear worry thing that drags me down day after day.

What if those are the only things I sell?
What if I don't get any orders at all?
What if I get too many?
What if I can't keep up?

Cause I have to be honest here - I'm really not the most self-motivated person on this planet. I'm really not. I try, and I'd love to see myself one day as a person who can actually keep a clean house on a consistent basis - someone who's kids' rooms are clean, who's dogs get bathed weekly, who manages to find time to work out and read her Bible daily. Oh... and who takes her vitamins too.

But right now, I'm not that person. And I fear what it would do if I actually had a business of my own.

But then there's those bills. And that nagging worry that says "What IF the MS is really there?"

*sigh*

I don't know what I'm saying here. I don't really know what I'm reaching for.

Actually, I think I'd like to go sit down and cry.

Life Around Here...

2010-08-17T15:48:00.000-07:00

Life around here has consisted mostly of me being miserable.

This has been the case for pretty much the past month.

Just about the time we got done with our wonderful play, I started getting really sick.

Like, REALLY sick.

Sick at breakfast...

Feel better just in time to take a nap...

And then wake up sick for dinner.

I've.

Been .
Miserable.

The past couple days I've started to feel better. I'm very nearly scared that I'm going to "jinx" myself and wake up tomorrow being perfectly miserable again. It came down to a mixture of Vitamin Water Zero and a pair of Psi Bands, but I think things are on the up and up.

But in the past month, so much as happened!

Here I am, at only 4 weeks. And even still, there's a minute bit of "pudge" that wasn't there four weeks ago!

And here I am at 9 weeks. Only nine weeks people! It's ridiculous how fast your body grows with the second baby.

Here's something a little less cool that's been happening over the past month.

This is the rib cage of our puppy Ziva. The mange came back. And it's gotten bad. I hadn't even realized it until today. I've been so sick, and she's so hyper, that she's been spending all her waking hours outside and only coming in to eat and sleep. Caleb would let her in after I'd gone to bed, and then let her out when he got up for work. I'd hardly even seen her more than a few seconds on a few different occasions.

I feel like such a terrible mommy! How did I let it get like this? Her fur is thinning, she has some bald spots, and I can tell she's miserable. We bathed her today (twice, once medicated, once not) and sprayed her down with a solution of apple cider vinegar. I'll be taking her to the vet tomorrow and giving her lots of milk bones in the meantime. I just can't believe I let this happen to my baby!

Speaking of my baby... We had decided that when we move to our smaller apartment (a decision made to save money for medical debt) that we were going to give Ziva away. It just wasn't going to be fair to her. I'm still in no shape to be taking her for the daily walks she would need, plus giving her the massive amounts of play a puppy her age needs. It just wasn't going to be fair.

But I couldn't stand the thought of giving her to someone I didn't KNOW was going to take care of her. The thought of her being abused, or neglected (not that I"m doing a good job of giving her attention right now) just broke my heart. I searched and serched and wrote desperate emails to all our friends and even tried to paw her off on my parents in New Mexico.

No luck. So I went ahead and made a listing for her on craigslist.com. I spent an hour writing out the listing - explaining Ziva's qualities, how we got her, how much we love her, and what I was looking for in future "parents" for my baby.

But after I posted it, I realized I just couldn't do it. I couldn't hand over my poor pup to a total stranger. So after a ten minute sob-fest-meltdown, Caleb told me we could keep her. We'd survive somehow until she got past the "puppy stage". That makes my heart happy. Especially in light of the mange problem. Now I feel like I have a chance to make it up to her.

So now that I'm feeling better (aka, not wanting to puke my guts up 24/7), I'm hoping to be getting her mange under control.

I'm hoping to get my eating habits under control (I tend to crave crap when I'm sick).

I'm hoping to get my house work under control.

We'll see what happens!

Where Have I Been?

2010-08-11T16:44:00.000-07:00

Seriously, where has time gone?

What on earth have I been doing with myself?

WHY ON EARTH AM I NOT BLOGGING?!?!

These questions, and more, tonight - on Unsolved Mysteries...

*que creepy music*

So for starters, there was our Musical

The Best of Broadway II

Rehearsals,

More rehearsals,

Then...

Performance!

I got to be in many numbers, and let's just say, it was an incredible blast.

As you can see above, Zach went with us quite a bit.

He didn't really watch the show (although he'd be singing the numbers after every rehearsal)

That's my outfit for Cell Block Tango (my personal fav and the opening number!)

About the time of our first show, I made an announcement to the dressing room.

"Oh my gosh, if I get any bigger my Cat costume isn't going to fit anymore."

Someone else said something indicating she knew how I felt.

At which point I informed the dressing room that I was pregnant.

It was fun!

And though theater is notoriously great at spreading rumors, no one told our director until about two or three days later.

As rehearsal for "Highschool Musical" is underway...

"You know we have a pregnant cheerleader right?"

Director: "What?!?!?!"

I was the oldest cheerleader in that number... like, by a lot. Haha

It took her a moment to remember I'm actually old enough to be bearing children.

And sure enough, it's a good thing our show ended when it did. Here I am at 8 weeks.

ONLY 8 WEEKS PEOPLE!!

Everyone keeps saying I'm gonna have twins.

I tell them that since I AM a twin, I get to say I don't want them.

We'll see in the next few weeks I suppose!

Oh, and as evidenced above....

I did this.....

To this.....

And it turned out like this....

Just kidding. This is the bed head I woke up with the other morning.

And I am TOTALLY LOVING the fact that I just lobbed 20+ inches off my hair.

Don't ask me if I'm going to donate it, I still don't know.

It's cooler, it's lighter...

And it's been totally perfect for this newly pregnant Mom!

The Chaos Within

2010-07-08T13:35:00.000-07:00

This is the chaos that is currently living inside my house.

Take the kitchen table for example. Here we have:

One bowl of leftover milk and cheerios

One bowl and plate from hubby's breakfast at 5am

One used wash cloth

One used towel

*both of these from a couple days ago*

Random paper and pen

Open coffee container w/ no coffee

Open coffee bag (which should be in the coffee container)

Coffee spoon

Coffee grounds canister

Lid to coffee grinder

One cell phone

Coffee mug from yesterday

Mail

Calandar

And more goo/coffee grounds/crusts from yesterday's lunch than I care to think about.

And none of this includes what was UNDER the table.

Why do I do this to myself?

And this? This is two empty laundry baskets.

It's also the sheet I used for my kitten trap (which has been laying outside for a week)

It's also dirty sheets from my son's bed

And wet dish towels that I used to mop up the floor after my landlord left the washer running and it flooded my kitchen.

So why didn't I put them all in the empty laundry basket?

Why do I do this to myself?

How about my counters?

Cheerios - check

Empty grocery bags - check

Wire plant basket used in kitten trap - check

Dishes piled sky high - check

*although, the dishes aren't my fault... that's my hubby's zone*

Papers? Dish towels? Mail? Junk?
Check! Check! Check! Check!

Why do I do this to myself?

Dog bone that I keep tripping over?

Yup.

Chewed up fragments of dog bone and cat toys?

You betcha.

Zach's toys scattered willy-nilly.

Absolutely.

And I've been walking, stomping, leaping, and stepping all over it for a couple days.

And I haven't even shown you my room yet.

I'd like to maintain some shred of self respect.

Also, I'd like to avoid having the nice men in white coats show up at my door as a result of tenderhearted readers being afraid for my sanity.

I know that if I'd just go through the house and pick up everything every couple of minutes, it'd be immaculate.

Sparkling.

Tidy.

NOT SUCH A DANG PAIN IN THE BUTT!!!

But I don't do this.

Why don't I do this?
Why do I do this to myself?

This, my friends, is one of life's greatest mysteries.

And just for the record, as often as I gripe about having a dirty house, it's not often THIS dirty.

And I really can and do keep it looking relatively nice.

Especially if people are coming over.

You wanna see my house clean? Tell me you are dropping by later in the afternoon.

Works every time.

Crazy

2010-07-07T14:15:00.000-07:00

Whew, life is so crazy.

I'm still selling my furniture....

I'm still trying to get my family moved....

I'm still waiting to hear if my medical bills will be taken care of...

I still sometimes wonder if the MS has been "healed" or is only "relapsing"...

I'm still taking care of Texi's garden...

I'm still having to find ways to make payments on medical bills...

My etsy shop still hasn't sold a dang thing...

I still need to get my baby products on etsy so I can begin truly marketing...

My husband tried to die on me last week (true! I'll blog about it tomorrow)....

I got to see my wonderful mother in law this weekend...

We had a gasoline leak in our car...

My fantastic hubby managed to fix it....

My dog has mange... again...

We're still having rehearsals...

Every night...

For another two weeks...

And that's getting tiring.

My son got over his fear of water and now loves to swim...

My house seemed to explode while I was gone for the weekend...

I still haven't cleaned it...

I still haven't unpacked...

It's raining outside.

And yet, I feel so peaceful today.

So full of life.

So full of love.

So full of hope.

I know that my sunburn will heal...

I know that one way or another, this debt thing will pass...

I know that we'll get moved to the new apartment...

And once we move, we'll be saving more money...

And that will get us closer to our dreams...

I know that one of these days I'm going to get my etsy site fully running....

And when business takes off, we'll be that much closer to our dream...

I know that the closer we get to "our dream" the more we'll dream...

And that will keep driving us to be better...

To do more...

To keep living.

And BTW,

I didn't get a single picture of this weekend,

Because I left my camera at home,

Because I'm the world's worst blogger/photographer.

But it's ok.

I'm ok with that.

:D

Tisa's Joy, Now on Etsy!

2010-06-21T10:25:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone!

My Etsy site is now up and running! I've put up a gadget on the right side of my profile so you can see what I've got! Thus far it's just a few bobbles, but once I've got the last of my sewing organized, I'll be in full swing for business!

Check it out and feel free to give me any advice! I'm still "surfing" around the site and trying to figure it all out.

KITTEN APPREHENDED!!!!

2010-06-17T16:13:00.000-07:00

This is the second time we've had kittens under our house.

About two years ago we found a litter of 6 day old kittens that had been dumped under our house by mama cat.

I'm 99% sure I know who the culprit is too.

Anyway, we nursed them (and if you didn't know, kittens that size have to be fed round the clock like infants).

We bathed them daily.

We raised them.

And when they were finally old enough, we gave them away.

And the only thanks we got for it was a MASSIVE KILLER FLEA INFESTATION.

******

Fast forward two years.

Yesterday afternoon we began hearing a kitten mewing in pretty much the exact same spot as before.

Oh no.

I went under the house but couldn't see anything. We thought it ran off until we heard it again a few hours later.

So I went under the house. Again.

The first batch of kittens probably came in this way. The screen wasn't up at the time and there were lots of cat tracks in the mud in this area.

But not this time. This time the scree was solid.

This time it went in through here.

Behind a bush is the water meter. Behind the water meter is a hole where the pipe goes under the house to measure water usage.

Just the perfect size for a baby kitty.

So this morning, when I heard the kitten crying STILL, I went under the house a third time.

And I had to crawl THE ENTIRE LENGTH OF THE HOUSE!!!

And since our house is on a slope, I got to start on my hands an knees. But by the time I got to the "entrance"/water meter hole, I was barely able to scooch along on my belly.

I saw it this time. But I couldn't get to it.

There's lots of pipes on that side of the house.

So I devised a trap!!!!

It took a storage bin, a laundry basket, an empty trash can, an old sheet, a wire hanging plant basket, a few rocks and a bunch of duct tape.

I'm kind of a genious when it comes to living by the seat of my pants.

I put some food in it, hoping to entice the little guy into the "trap".

Then back under the house.

I was too impatient to wait for the hubby to get home and help me.

This time, I truly did have to crawl to the furthest corner of the house.

And I just want to say, I understand what a claustrophobic panic attack might feel like.

But alas, the kitten escaped my clutches.

So I waited for the hubby to get home, and we went under together.

Luckily for us, this time the kitten has scooted over to another corner of the house where there was far more room.

He was hiding behind a support pillar in the very corner of the brick.

Me: "Babe! I see it!"

Caleb: "Really? Can we get at it?"

We scooch closer to the pillar, one on each side so it can't escape.

I tried to reach in to pick it up, but it hissed and spat at me.

Me: "Babe, I don't know how I'm gonna get this thing without something to protect my hands."
Caleb: "Well, do you wanna just leave it here and go get something."

I really DID NOT want to crawl the entire length of the house an extra two times.

Enter Epiphany

Me: "Babe. Gimme your sock."
Caleb: "What? Are you serious?"

Me: "Yeah, gimme your sock. In fact give me both of them."

It takes him a moment but he obliges. I used the socks to cover my hands while I picked up the little guy. He didn't bite me or scratch me, but he did try to run.

Caleb helped me carefully pull the sock over his head and down his body so he wouldn't move while we inched back out from under the house.

Now I've got him in the dog kennel w/ food, water, and litter. I've got a posting for him up on craigslist and am hoping to find him a home very very soon.

And I'm gonna have my landlord plug up that hole.

NO MORE STRAYS!

Bleh....

2010-06-16T11:08:00.000-07:00

Sorry. It's just how I feel.

Bleh.

I sent my son w/ his Papa (Daddy) to work.

I've been watching movies and scarfing more tissues.

And generally feeling sorry for myself.

It's what I do while I'm sick.

But at least the hubby has charge of the kiddo.

So I'm going to talk about him while he's not here.

Heehee.

I know I've whined before about how much my son eats.

How often he's hungry.

How I just wish I could feed him a couple of huge meals instead of having to hear,

"Mama! Mama! Mama! Mama! Mama!!!

I'M HUNGRY!!"

Sheesh.

Just so you'll understand my plight,

I've logged every morsel that entered his mouth the other day.

Now you'll feel sorry for me.

7:30am

Zach wakes up. My hubby feeds him a large bowl of granola.

8:30am

I wake up.

Pretty much the first thing I hear is, "Mama! I'm hungry!"

So I feed him a large bowl of cheerios.

One hour later.

9:30am

"Mama! Mama! I'm hungry!"

So I feed him an apple.

And I'd like you to understand that when I feed him an apple, he eats THE WHOLE THING! Core and all.

And while he was eating his apple, I made myself some eggs and toast.

9:50am

The instant he was done with his apple, he decides he wants my eggs.

So I make him some eggs of his own.

And when they were all gone, he asked for a cookie.

I told him NO!

He finally stopped eating and went to play.

11:30am

"Mama, I'm hungry."

I made him wait until noon before feeding him lunch.

12:00 noon

Asparagus soup, loaded with leftover roasted veggies.

Yum.

He ate it all.

Then he had a nap.

I love naptime.

I get to go two or three whole hours without having to hear, "Mama, I'm hungry!"

4:00pm

Zach wakes up from his nap.

I feed him a bananna

5:00 pm

He's hungry. And it's understandable. Normally we eat dinner around 5:30.

So I feed him some of these fruit crisps from Kellogs.

And then I make him wait. We were going to dinner at 6:30.

He was still hungry and bugging me, so I also fed him half a peanut butter sandwich.

At the restaurant, he scarfed down three lemons as we waited on food.

And I want you to understand what I mean by "scarf."

The lemon was gone.

Peel and all.

See lemon....

Scarf lemon.

Yummy lemon.

Sour lemon.

See the ham? The one with his tongue hanging out?

He rarely cooperates for these kinds of photo shoots.

REALLY SOUR LEMON!!!!

Mama? Can I see the pictures? What are you all laughing at?

Whoa! SUPER DUPER SOUR LEMON!!

Want some more ham with your lemon?

Along with his three lemons, our friends gave him some of these baby puff snacks they were feeding to their little girl. Of course.... he ate them... all... gone.

I actually asked them not to give him anymore.

I was afraid he'd eat all their puff snacks.

Aha! Food arrives!

Cheese pizza and Teddy Grahms.

I'll admit, he didn't QUITE eat all his pizza.

I think he left the crust from the last quarter.

But he did eat all my side of fruit.

Sigh. I have a hard time telling him "no" when he wants my food.

I think it's some sort of motherly instinct to be sure our offspring stay fed.

Feeling sorry for me?

You should.

Especially when I tell you that when we got home and he was ready for bed he tried to tell me he was hungry.

I made him go to bed anyway.

Sheesh.

This Blog Needs a New Name.

2010-06-15T18:47:00.000-07:00

And I've decided it's going to be "Random Girl."

Cause none of my posts seem to ever have a unified theme.

***********

I'm currently scarfing down a box of kleenex.

Actually, I guess really my nose is the one doing the scarfing.

Or maybe the drainage from my sinuses?

Either way, this box isn't long for this world.

I'm pretty sure this sinus issue is what led to me losing my food all day.

Well, the sinuses added to our long trip to Dallas.

But that part of the story will come later.

Oh, and I painted my nails for the first time in YEARS!

I'm quite pleased with myself.

********

So on Monday as I was chewing my nails waiting for the lady who was going to buy my furniture to arrive, I had a massive fit of nostalgia and decided that I needed pictures of my living room... so I would always remember it just the way it was.

I really have no idea why I did this. I'm sure in 10 years I'll look back and wonder why on earth I have empty pictures of my living room.

But I just had to.

I literally cried while doing my grocery shopping later that day.

It's very rough to part with such dear friends.

Especially when they left my house looking like this.

It's just so... so.... empty!

But I did find a few things I'd been missing. ;)

So in an effort to feel like I was doing something, and to hide the barren wasteland that had become my living room, I re-arranged some things.

Not that I needed to...

Cause today we drove to Dallas and got our new couches!

Never take a 2 hour trip when you don't feel well.

Not unless you are trying to...

...Well.... never mind.

Right now they have covers on them, but we'll be taking them off at the new apartment.

We'll have to to get access to the sofa bed we'll be sleeping on.

You can see a bit of my re-arranging. I'm not sure if I'm going to move it all back now or not.

That might involve more work than I'm willing to give at the moment.

And I need to brag for a moment.

Cause this is my blog, and that's my perrogative.

My husband got our origional couches from a friend who owed him $100.

So, in essence, we paid $100 for the couch and love seat we had.

They were already a year or two old when we got them.

Fast-forward four years, a baby, two cats, two dogs, and two roommates later (not to mention the few people we've had living with us and the numerous guests through the years).

I sold them for $150.

I think I probably could have gotten $200.

So we basically got paid to use them for four years.

But it gets even better.

The couches we just bought (with the sleeper in it) are about four years old.

No cats.

No dogs.

Not even the "main" furniture of the house they were in.

I paid $75 for them.

That's HALF what I just sold my furniture for.

Yeah...

Just had to brag a bit.

************

Tomorrow's blog should be a little more "uniform".

I finally logged every morsel of food my son ate in a day.

Now you'll understand my plight!

Dillemas

2010-06-14T09:57:00.000-07:00

So, I sold my furniture.

Now my house is empty.

This makes it quite nearly impossible for me to clean.

I just don't know what to do with myself.

The floor is so... empty!

I can't just sit for a moment to relax on the couch... there isn't one!

Needless to say, it has messed with my psyche a little more than I ever could have dreamed of.

So I'm going to blog instead.

*************

I'm so ready to move. And at the same time, I'm so not ready to move.

For one, I haven't packed.

The puppy still can't seem to completely figure out that she needs to ASK to be let outside.\
She still thinks the carpet is a suitable substitute for grass if I'm not looking too closely.

I'm not sure how we're going to survive in such a small apartment.

But then again...

My washer leaks.

I'm ready to have a place of our own.
I'm sick of the traffic on our street and the church parking "overflowing" practically onto my lawn.

Our space means we can feel free to have another baby.

Which brings me to my big dilemma.

I've been "putting off" another baby for a number of reasons.

1. We didn't want another baby while we still had "roommates".
2. I wasn't ready to quit dancing.

Cause I'm pretty sure whatever level I peak at before I have another baby is going to be my "peak" for all time. And I just haven't been sure that I'm ready to say I've gone as far as I can go.

But then the summer hit.
And I've been working even harder to train the puppy.
And I've been working even harder to get my baby business running.

And the more I thought about, the more my hormones raged through me, the more I thought I'd way rather have another baby than keep dancing.

I've always wanted a big family.
And if I really intend on producing that many offspring, I better get on the ball.
Zachy is already going to be over 4 years old before the next one gets here.

But recently, I began to second guess myself.
On everything.

Should I really sell all our furniture?
Am I really going to make it in the "baby business"?
Am I really ready to give up dancing?
Is having another baby in such a small space really going to be ok?

Most of the time it just seems like one big adventure.
Most of the time, I fell thrifty and cool at the thought of pushing through any "small space" trials and tribulations.
Most of the time, I feel like we could make it work.

But today, I'm emotional because I have no couches.
Today, I can't seem to put together a decent "todo" list.
Today, I can't concentrate.
Today, all I want to do is be a ballerina.
And have a baby.

Basically, I want someone to help figure out how I can have my cake and eat it too.

Thank you for listening.